Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 73012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
“I was thinking about you cooking and how you move. Then my mind went to hockey and dancing, and clearly, it stuck there. My boyfriend is really hot.” It’s fun testing the word on my tongue, even if I do have to ignore the spike of fear I get by saying it.
“Huh. You should see mine. Smokin’.”
I smile. He’s so fucking cheesy, and I love it. “Can I ask you something?”
“You can ask me anything.”
I don’t know why I’m torturing myself with this question, but the truth is, I want to know as much about Kason as possible, want to know all the little things that made him who he is.
“You said you haven’t wanted a boyfriend in a long time. Did something happen?”
He nods, takes a bite, chews, then leans back in his chair. “I had a boyfriend…hockey player. One and only time I ever dated one. We were together for nearly three years, but the whole relationship was in secret. He didn’t want to be an out hockey player, didn’t want to be out anywhere, really, and I wanted him. But it got harder and harder. Still, I stuck around because…”
“Because you were in love with him?” The question sticks in my throat.
“Yes,” he answers honestly.
Kason has been in love before. I shouldn’t be surprised. Of course he would have, and I’m sure the man loved him too. How could you not? Still, it makes me feel twitchier than I expected, makes my back straighten and my stomach sour.
“What happened?”
“He ended it. He’s married now—to a woman. They have a kid. He has the life he wanted, one where he can pretend he’s not into men too—or hell, maybe it’s just that I wasn’t the one for him. Maybe he just didn’t feel the same. He’s bi, and we wanted different things, and there’s nothing I can do about that.”
How is he like this? How is everything so easy for him? “How do you do it? Not let anything bother you and keep going.”
“It bothers me. That’s the first and only time I’ve had my heart broken. This was in college and my first years in the NHL, and you’re the first serious relationship I’ve had since then. But everyone is different. No one handles life the same way. I won’t pretend I didn’t go into a depression after losing him, but then I decided I couldn’t live like that. I don’t mean to trivialize it or make it sound like I think it’s easy and that anyone can just snap their fingers and poof everything changes. Therapy helped me. I always did yoga, but that’s when I got into meditating more, and I found my way out of it.”
“And you’re not afraid of getting hurt again?”
“I am. But I’m not letting it hold me back from what I want. Which is you.”
Me.
Kason Maddox wants me, and that’s probably one of the best things to ever happen to me.
“You’re not letting it hold you back either, Ant. You’re here, and you asked me to be your boyfriend.”
I chuckle. “I asked if we were boyfriends.”
“Same thing. I can’t wait to tell everyone you asked me to go steady.”
I roll my eyes, but I can’t stop myself from smiling.
I’m happy. I’m having fun. Kason inspires me to want to be more like him, and maybe then I’ll deserve him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kason
“Tell me something about you?” I ask, wanting to get to know as much about him as possible. “It doesn’t have to be something big or deep,” I add, treading lightly. I’m still slightly on edge from his…panic? Anxiety? Not sure what to call it, but the situation from earlier is still on my mind, and I don’t want to do anything to rush him. On the other hand, I want to keep the lines of communication open, want Anthony to know he can trust me and that I trust him. It’s partly why I shared my story about Craig with him.
“Hmm. What do you want to know? I enjoy long walks on the beach, mountain brunches with pretty men…”
“More than one pretty man, or do I know this guy?” I tease.
Anthony shrugs playfully. “You might have heard of him. He’s a hockey player. Goalie, to be exact.”
“Tell me more. How pretty is this guy?” I put my feet up on the chair beside me, arms crossed and looking at Anthony.
“So fucking hot,” he replies. “The first time I met him, I nearly swallowed my tongue. Definitely a ten.” Anthony moves so he’s sitting in the same position as me, feet up on another chair.
“Damn. A ten, huh? I can guarantee he thinks the same about you.”
“Really now…tell me more.”
“You’re avoiding my question, though.”
“Damn it. You’re not supposed to call me out on my shit.”
“But it’s so much fun,” I joke, then reach my foot over and nudge his. “What’s your favorite color?”