Series: Willow Winters
Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 72146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 72146 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 361(@200wpm)___ 289(@250wpm)___ 240(@300wpm)
In a way, that is what happened. I left my life behind forever. I would never again match my brother. I would never again speak with my own voice. I would always have to watch my brother move forward in life with everything I had and lost.
But this was my breaking point. I didn’t know I’d reached it until it was too late. She wanted me and we both soothed each other in ways I’ve needed for so long. To feel worthy of affection and compassion. I have not felt such things in years.
I simply couldn’t do what he wanted. I couldn’t stand by and let him bring me to Cora as if I was a monster who had to be kept from her until he had won her heart.
Did not I win her heart as well? Did not she beg me to stay with her? How else would I have done so? I cannot think of another way.
The balcony I have found overlooks the gardens where I was supposed to meet my brother.
Where I was supposed to be introduced to Princess Cora.
I let out another laugh. The rough sound of the monster I’ve become. A servant far off in the garden pauses to look up at the balcony, but I do not flinch away. I cannot tell if they look upon me or not.
What would Jasper have done? Would he have taken Princess Cora’s hand and whispered words of reassurance into her ear?
Would he have told her it was all right to be afraid? Or would it have been worse? Would he have felt the need to coax her toward me as if I was dangerous?
I couldn’t let him do that to me. For he doesn’t mind my presence in the shadows. My mind plays tricks on me, remembering how my brother’s been there for me when I was not even there for myself and my thoughts betrayed me, but he kept me alive.
My brother may feel that I have humiliated him, but it would have been worse had I met them in the garden as planned. He would surely have seen the recognition on Cora’s face when she looked upon me. He might even have assumed more, and he would have been correct.
And then she would have to witness our falling out.
Perhaps I was a coward. Perhaps I am a bastard. Perhaps I am only telling myself that it is better this way because I cannot go back and do it over.
I look over the gardens and force myself to consider the idea.
If I could, would I do things differently? Would I go back and wait in the garden? Would I risk my brother’s humiliation at such a moment instead of making it come more quickly?
No. I do not think I would. Jasper might have blamed both me and Princess Cora for what we found together in the secrecy of her chamber. My brother may reach the conclusion that some blame rests with her, but for now I have saved him from that.
I’ve bought us time, if nothing else.
As I stand at the balcony, there is a commotion below me. A raised voice, followed by others.
My brother strides out into the garden with several servants in tow.
“I need nothing,” he insists, his voice carrying to where I stand on the balcony. I can tell he is close to losing his temper. “If I have need of something, I will send word. Thank you,” he says, then turns away from them all and stalks into a narrow hall. My chest tightens at the sight of him. I’ve been his undoing. I didn’t wish to cause him pain, I merely wished to soothe my own.
I step back from the balcony. There’s not much shade to hide me, but I move closer to the wall, nonetheless. This is a habit I’ve had since we returned from battle—since Jasper returned from battle, and someone who is not quite me returned with him.
I don’t fear that he might see me. I only wish to give him the privacy he so clearly desires.
Though part of me wishes I could go to him and speak to him as I used to. With my voice, not with words written on paper. If my voice had not been ruined by my injuries, perhaps Jasper would be able to hear the truth in what I said.
Jasper walks about the paths in the garden. He disappears from view and reappears as he crosses through the hedges, his expression stormy.
People stir once more by the door below me. This time, when the servants appear, it is with much more seriousness.
The king enters the garden. The servants fall silent as he passes, then remove themselves from the path, other than two of his men, who follow closely behind him.
“Prince Jasper,” the king calls to my brother, who stops at the end of a path and bows to him. “Come walk with me. I wish to have a word with you.”