Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
“No, I do know that, it’s why I asked!”
Salvatore chewed on his inner cheek, needing the moment to think. “I’m sorry—I shouldn’t have said that.”
Nico’s brow furrowed as his hand dropped from his face. “What?”
“The problem child thing. You’re not. You’ve proven yourself to be capable, and trustworthy. You handle your business without oversight. You’re reliable, intelligent. Made your first million by the time you turned sixteen. You keep yourself busy. For the most part, you’ve got your shit together. I’d dare to call you responsible, nine days out of ten, but today...”
Nico hissed a low fuck under his breath. “Now that’s the real joke.”
Salvatore shook his head, eyeing Nico pitifully. “No, it isn’t. You made a mistake, and you tried to fix it. You did absolutely everything you could, son. What happened after was out of your control.”
“Doesn’t feel like that.”
“I know.”
“She didn’t even ask me,” he said, his voice quaking and aching to the quiet room. “She didn’t even ask, like hey, do you want to be a dad by the time you’re twenty? Are you ready for this, too; does the house have a room for the baby; have you literally ever changed a fucking diaper?”
Salvatore suppressed the smile trying to form. It wasn’t the time to be caught thinking Nico’s thoughts were sweet.
“Do you not want her to have the baby?” Salvatore asked after a minute, trying to gauge where Nico’s feelings were in that moment. “Do you not want to be a father?”
“Right now, seriously?”
“I want you to say what you need to say to me so that you can say it to her with less...less of this, Nico,” Salvatore replied, gesturing at the young man. “So come on, just say it. You don’t want her to have the baby. You don’t want to be a father before you’re ready. She had no business lying to you and you’re pissed that she did. Say it.”
Nico stayed quiet.
“Can you imagine saying those things to her?” Salvatore asked him, trying to get him to understand. “Can you truly imagine yourself saying those things to her face, knowing how it’s going to make her feel? At least say it to me so you’ve said it, and you don’t have to ever do it again. Okay?”
Nico just shook his head, jaw tight and eyes burning with resentment.
Salvatore tried again. “Come on, kid. I know you’re not the type to say hateful things to someone you love, so let’s do this. I can take it; she can’t.”
“I don’t know about that,” Nico mumbled, “because I’ve said terrible fucking things to Giorgio and Marco more than once. Things I would never say to Frankie.”
That hurt Sal.
He loved people who hurt him. Who clearly did not love him back and who never deserved him.
“Are you saying she’s even close to the same?” Salvatore asked.
Nico didn’t hesitate. “No.”
“So, say it. Whatever you need to say, however you feel, just say it.”
“I can’t.”
“Why, because I’m her father?”
“No.”
Salvatore didn’t believe that. “At this point, I might as well be yours, too. God knows I’ve spent the last several months doing things for you that your father never has—things I’d want someone to do for my son, if I wasn’t there to do it.”
Nico sniffed hard, letting out a hard breath. “It’s not because you’re her father.”
“Then, what is it?”
“Maybe if I say the things I’m thinking, then that’ll make them real. And I don’t want the way I feel to be the truth. Because it isn’t, I’m just...”
“It’s a lot,” Salvatore filled in.
Nico nodded sharply. “Yeah. And if I said something I didn’t really mean, it’s too late once I’ve said it. It’s out there. I can’t take it back. Whether or not she’s heard it, or knows I said it, I do. I’ll know what I said about her. About my child.”
He had more self-control and maturity than he realized. Salvatore didn’t point it out. Just because these kids had moments of wisdom beyond their ages didn’t mean they weren’t still eighteen and nineteen at the end of the day.
“It wouldn’t be beyond the pale to just admit you’re not ready for this. I can take that from you and hold onto it for you. No one else needs to know, Nico. Just say it, so you don’t have to feel it anymore.”
“It’s irrelevant,” Nico said then, wiping at his face to clear it of tear stains for what Salvatore hoped would be the last time. “What I think, felt, it’s all irrelevant.”
“I don’t think—”
“No, it is. Before, the pregnancy wasn’t a thing yet. I can’t care about something that isn’t even real. When I handed her the Plan B, asked her to do it, and wanted her to, the baby didn’t really exist to me. The way I looked at it, I was handling a situation that hadn’t come to fruition. To her, it could. It was. I didn’t understand how she wrapped her mind around something not there, something...I just didn’t get it. So, I let her feel the way she did and I felt my own. But that was then, and this is now.”