Total pages in book: 157
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 154525 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 773(@200wpm)___ 618(@250wpm)___ 515(@300wpm)
“I don’t want my kid to grow up knowing parents who yell and hit, not them or one another, and throw shit because they can’t deal,” he muttered thickly.
“I’m sorry.”
“They’re never going to know that between us. You promised.”
She nodded. “I do; I meant it.”
“I’m fucking holding you to it. I swear to God, I will hold you to that, Frankie.”
She couldn’t even ask what would happen if she failed. She couldn’t bear to hear him say it, whatever it would be. She just wouldn’t fail. That was the deal, one she made to herself, for him. For their baby.
“So, if you’re not telling your dad, does that mean I have to keep hiding it?” she asked quietly. “Because...that stupid thing I meant earlier...when do we get married?”
“Ah,” Nico vocalized.
It held the same confusion she felt.
“I think we need to have another conversation with your father to know about that side of things. This is bigger than us; it changes a lot, and I think he’s already got a lot going on. He just isn’t ready, or he can’t, share it yet.”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t be scared, baby, he loves you.”
“I don’t know why.”
She did awful things. Selfish things.
Her tears started anew.
“Oh, Frankie...don’t cry, please.”
She tried not to, but the only thing that finally made the tears dry up was when Nico got deep under those blankets with her, laid side by side, tangling their naked legs together, and his arms just swallowed her whole. Her head found the safe spot under his chin where he always smelled like honeyed vanilla because of her perfume.
“He does everything for me, he gave me everything, and I just...said fuck it.”
“No, you didn’t,” Nico assured, “and he doesn’t see it that way.”
“You don’t know that.”
He held her tighter. “I don’t have to. He loves you.”
“Love doesn’t change what I did.”
“No, but it counts for a lot in the meantime. It softens the blow.”
“Did it ever soften your father’s blow?”
“That’s not love,” Nico whispered back, holding her tighter, “and I know that now.”
•••
“How have you still not slept?” she asked Nico.
Reading a book where he sat against the headboard in nothing but boxer-briefs as it neared noon, Nico didn’t seem at all bothered by her question. “I can’t sleep.”
“You can any other night. You love naps with me.”
“I can’t sleep,” he repeated.
“Why not?”
Dragging a towel through her damp hair from an earlier shower, she waited for Nico to explain whatever troubled him.
“I haven’t been sleeping for the last couple of weeks,” he admitted then.
Frankie stilled, the towel still scrunched against her head and hair. “You haven’t?”
“You’ve been sleeping like a log. I just enjoy watching your face when you dream.”
“Nico...”
“Can you grab my jacket on the chair over there?” he asked, nodding at the item in question in the corner. “I need something in it.”
“Are you going to tell me why you’re not sleeping?”
“A couple of things, actually.”
“What?”
She couldn’t follow along that time.
“Sorry,” he muttered, “ADHD.”
“Oh-kay,” she drawled out when he offered nothing else in explanation.
“That’s why I’m not sleeping, too. Partly.”
She’d just picked up his jacket, but waited before tossing it to his outstretched hand to ask, “ADHD affects your sleeping habits?”
“It can for some people.”
“And for you?”
He shook his head. “No, but also yes. Can I have that, please?”
She tossed him the jacket. Nico dug in a pocket until something rattled. Something like pills.
Frankie tried not to be pissed. “What the hell was that?”
Nico arched an eyebrow her way as he pulled a yellow prescription bottle from the right pocket of the jacket. Without a word, he popped the top off and tipped the bottle up to his mouth. Lowering his hand, he opened his mouth so she could see, through fury, the one pill on his tongue that he promptly swallowed right back.
“Adderall,” he informed, then, before putting the pills back and tossing the jacket aside. “For the obvious.”
Frankie’s eyes narrowed. “What? Didn’t we fucking talk about pills and drugs because of Chicago?”
“Relax. I don’t say things I don’t mean and make promises I don’t intend to keep. I told you that wouldn’t ever happen again, and I wouldn’t do it again. My word means something.”
“Are you saying I didn’t just watch you swallow a fucking Adderall? I watched girls snort that shit in the locker room all the time, Nico. I know what that can do to somebody.”
“Yeah, someone who’s already level and even keeled. Who doesn’t have ADHD. I took Adderall at a party when I was like thirteen. I didn’t know why everybody else seemed to be having the greatest night of their lives. It did nothing but make me want to go home and take apart my computer to rebuild it for the third time.”
Then, he laughed.
“Which I did,” he added. “Best rebuild ever, by the way. Fuck, that played so smooth when I was done.”