Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 75983 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75983 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Heart pounding, I pulled it out only to see a call from Victoria. Our only prior communication had been a few logistics texts for rehearsal and a thank you for the gift certificate. I’d told her she could reach out, though, so I dutifully answered.
“I need advice.” Victoria bypassed a traditional greeting in favor of a mournful moan. All the time with Kitty had evidently worn off in a tendency toward the dramatic, but if nothing else, the call was a decent distraction for me.
“I’m probably the last person to give advice.” Each hour away from Rudy made me feel that much more confused. Apart from that, my well-known bluntness meant few people sought me out for advice.
“Which is why I trust you.” Victoria was unfazed by my admission. “You’re brutally honest, and I need someone to tell me I’d be stupid to skip the summer intensive.”
“I’m not going to call you names.” If Victoria wanted harshness, she’d come to the wrong place. I tried to never cross the line into cruelty, even if I was truthful to a fault. “But I will remind you that if you skip the summer intensive, you might not be invited to stay for the school year.”
“I know.” Victoria groaned. There was a distant thumping noise like she’d flopped onto some piece of furniture. “I know.”
She would have been far better served calling anyone other than me, but I was here now. My initial inclination was to give her a quick pep talk, but what if I was wrong? I sank onto one of the benches rimming the large fountain. In the summer, the bowl of the fountain would be full of children splashing in water and going right up to the many sprinklers on the huge silver dome. Right now, though, the area was as empty as my brain. What would Rudy say? I took a breath, trying to unpack the subtext in Victoria’s sighs and groans.
“Does part of you want to stay in Hollyberry?” I asked at last.
Victoria was quiet for so long that I was certain I’d chosen the wrong tactic, but then she exhaled hard.
“Maybe.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Kitty and our friends keep talking about senior year plans, and all I can think is that I won’t be here.”
“That’s hard.” I channeled Rudy again, making a sympathetic noise. My chest pinched. He’d been good for me, softened my sharp edges. God, I missed him.
“But sacrifice is all part of this life, right?” Victoria stopped my head from wandering away with thoughts of Rudy. Returning to a normal volume, Victoria firmed up her tone. “Tell me it will all be worth it in the end.”
“I can’t tell you that.” Every young dancer I’d ever known flashed in front of my eyes. Brilliant careers, but those were the exception in a parade of disappointments, injuries, and flashes of success snuffed out by circumstances. Behind every principal dancer were hundreds of dreamers who never reached that peak. My own younger self joined the line of dancers pliéing along an imaginary barre. God, I’d been so arrogant. My voice turned distant as I sifted through these seldom-entertained memories. “I can tell you that I never had a Kitty. Never had a single close school friend. All my dancer friends were also competition, and we lived solely for ballet.” The words tumbled out, one after another, freed from decades of repression. “I don’t remember graduation. If there was a prom, I didn’t go. Isabella sent pics of her senior prank, but I was too busy prepping for a Sleeping Beauty production to really look. The absolute only thing I wanted was to dance professionally.”
“It’s all I’ve ever wanted too.” Victoria sounded more earnest than certain.
“Is it?” I kept my voice as gentle as I could manage. “Because it’s also okay if it’s not the only thing for you. I told you all that because those were not healthy years.” Standing from the bench, I paced in front of the fountain. This was the first time I’d dared admit that fact aloud, but it was true. Honestly, it was a wonder I’d survived. Many of the early dancers I’d known hadn’t lasted nearly this long. “If you can imagine doing anything else, you might want to do that. This is a hard, unforgiving life, and you’re allowed to want a different path.”
“I’d be letting so many people down.” Victoria was back to a near whisper.
“But what about you?” I asked. My drive had always been internal. My father said if you were going to do something, you might as well be the best, but I’d never had the impression my parents’ love was conditional. Over the course of The Nutcracker, I’d been around Victoria’s mother enough to know she had similar high standards to my father, but she also clearly adored Victoria. “People who love you want to see you happy.”