Total pages in book: 174
Estimated words: 172061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 860(@200wpm)___ 688(@250wpm)___ 574(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 172061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 860(@200wpm)___ 688(@250wpm)___ 574(@300wpm)
I only gave her a jut of my chin before I crossed the house and pushed open the door to my room. My attention immediately went to the closet on the left.
A dim light flooded out, whispering like some kind of fucked-up beacon.
That toil in my stomach only twisted. An excruciating knot that made it feel like it was squeezing the life out of me.
I warred, feet heavy.
Guilt assaulting me on all sides, but there was some faraway moan in the recesses of my spirit that told me this was okay. That she would have wanted this. She would have wanted me to stand for Daisy and those kids this way.
Swallowing around the ball of razors in my throat, I eased into my closet. Feeling like the floor was uneven beneath my feet.
The walls tilting.
The world spinning.
I moved to the back where I kept the few possessions that remained, and I reached overhead to pull the wooden box from the shelf.
I knelt and set it on the floor, felt like I was being slammed upside the head as I opened it.
The crushing of memories. The love and the joy and the utter pain that had been left in their wake.
I sifted through their things until I found what I was looking for. My lungs closed off as I reached for the little velvet bag where it was stored.
Before I lost my nerve, I slammed the lid closed, grabbed the box and set it back on the shelf, then shoved the small bag into my front pocket.
It was amazing that something so tiny could feel like it weighed a million pounds.
It was almost as heavy as the coaxing energy that came from outside my room.
The draw that persuaded and captivated.
Unavoidable.
I moved through it like I was wading through sludge, heart frantic as I moved out of the closet and to my bedroom door.
With my hand on the knob, I hesitated, wondering if I truly had pushed past a barrier where there would be no return. Wondering if after all of this was said and done, I’d cease to exist.
I clicked open my bedroom door right at the same time as Eva came running from their room.
She held a book over her head and had the teddy bear I’d picked out for her tucked under her other arm. Barefoot and long brown hair wet from her bath. Wearing her little butterfly pajamas.
“I want my Mr. Big Gwumpy Giant to wead to me!” she hollered.
Daisy emerged behind her, her cheeks flushed from obviously trying to wrangle all three children.
“How about Mommy reads the story to you?” she tried to persuade.
“Nuh-uh! I want my Gwumpy because he’s got a grou-wy voice so he can be the cat. Rawr.” She giggled when she made the sound as she continued skipping my way.
She stopped in front of me, tipping her head all the way back to look up at me.
Strands of hair stuck to her pink, chubby cheeks as she held the book between two hands. A black cat with four big white shoes on its paws was on the front.
“You know how to wead, my Mr. Gwumpy Giant?”
Nerves tumbled in my stomach.
“Yeah, I know how to read.”
“Then you can do it. Pwease?” She swayed back and forth.
I scuffed a hand down my face. What the hell had I gotten myself into?
“Why don’t we let Mr. Cash rest?” Daisy urged as she came deeper into the main room. “He’s had a really long day outside trying to get the porch ready for you to play on, remember?”
“No, I want my Mr. Gwumpy Giant!” Eva stamped her foot and pouted out her bottom lip.
Fuck me, this kid wielded some kind of magical power because I was muttering, “I don’t mind.”
No chance could I disappoint the little thing when she was looking at me that way.
Her face lit like I’d crowned her princess, which I might as well have with the way she had full command over me.
She snatched my hand with her tiny one and started to tow me toward the sitting area. “Come wight over here.”
She pushed me down into the recliner, then she…scrambled onto my lap.
Was pretty sure the blood must have drained from my face because Daisy was suddenly right there with concern written all over her gorgeous face. “Eva, sweetheart, I don’t think this is a good i—”
“It’s fine,” I grunted.
“See, Mommy, it’s fine. He wants to, don’t you?”
Eva shifted around, her knees grinding into my thighs as she grabbed me by both sides of the face.
My chest swelled. So close to overflowing.
“Of course,” I forced out.
“Told you,” she told her mother before she plopped back around and shoved the book in my direction.
“Wead it!”
Blowing out a sigh, I opened to the first page.
Eva ducked under my arm and snuggled into my chest. Could feel her grin as she rested her head on me.