Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 77287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
I furrow my brow. “Niko told you that part, too?”
“Niko knows what I went through. He knew I’d relate.”
I pull in a long, slow breath. “It wasn’t fun. But it’s just a part of me, now. You know?”
“Yeah. I do.”
“There were kids who made fun of me for being dumb, just because I didn’t speak up in class,” I tell him. “They didn’t realize I just didn’t feel like talking.”
He puffs out a laugh. “Little did they know, you don’t shut up when you’re comfortable.”
I grin. “You think I’m comfortable with you, Sev? Not a chance.”
“You’re comfortable shoving your ass back against me in bed. Yeah, I felt that. All night and in the morning, too.”
“Not my fault you were warm,” I tell him.
“Anyway. I just wanted to tell you that you’re a lot stronger than you know, Wes.”
I pause for a moment, glancing down and then back up at his reflection in the mirror.
It’s a small thing, but it feels big, coming from Sevan.
“I’ve spent my whole life trying to be strong, and I still feel like I’m… nothing, sometimes.”
His gaze becomes serious. “The fact that you are still trying is why I know you’re strong. It matters. You know that, right?”
He’s peering into me again.
Like I’m acutely aware that he’s seeing the dark ocean just below my surface.
An ocean I don’t even let myself acknowledge.
And suddenly it’s like the tables are flipped. Am I the one who’s actually afraid of intimacy?
Can we go back to sex, please?
Something easier than this?
“I’m trying very hard,” I say. “All of the time.”
My throat goes tight as I say it. Everything is contained in that murky water.
My father’s cruel heart.
His recent death.
The fact that I didn’t get to grow up with a mother, and I unexpectedly lost my sister to a freak accident when I was barely through puberty. All of that on top of the tense relationship I’ve had with my brother, which has only started to blossom in the past few months.
I’m trying so, so fucking hard.
All.
Of.
The.
Time.
“Wes,” Sevan says, putting a hand on my hip.
Don’t look at it.
Don’t look at this iceberg inside me, the one that no one ever sees.
“I’m fine,” I tell him.
He closes his arms around me in a hug, ignoring my words. His comforting warmth surrounding me is like a ballast back toward Earth.
I don’t let myself need anyone.
And I can’t need Sev, but in this moment, I do. He doesn’t have to know how deeply I needed any of this.
Just another secret.
Another drop in the ocean.
“Well. I can’t wait to see you in your fancy suit at the dinner, Sheriff.”
Something about him using his old nickname for me cracks the tension that’s been filling my veins.
The tightness in my throat loosens.
Out of nowhere I feel myself smiling again, involuntarily. A laugh escapes me and I look up at the ceiling for a moment, and then Sev is laughing too, both of us acting like giggling kids in the corner at a party.
“I should go sheriff-mode on you, after you called me that name for the past billion years,” I tell him, shaking my head. “I’m getting fuzzy cuffs and locking you the fuck in.”
“Lock me to your bedpost and put your tongue over every inch of me,” he says. “I’ll pretend not to love every second of it.”
“I’m out of here,” I tell him. “You have your meeting tonight, and if I don’t finish my paper for Sellwood’s class, you’re the one who will grade it and give me an F.”
He blows me a kiss after I get dressed and swing the door open to leave, and somehow, even after everything, that little blown kiss makes my cheeks go hot.
As I’m heading down the staircase, I feel like I’m on a surreal cloud, like the past hour has been a roller coaster of every goddamn emotion I usually keep at bay.
Sev knows me now.
Better than some of my own friends even do.
And finally I’m letting myself admit how much I enjoy that.
I take the stairs down quickly, going for the front door. But as I’m walking out the front hall, I catch a strange glance.
It’s Kieran, one of the Double Daggers guys I never knew very well, sitting alone in one of the front rooms.
He’s staring at me.
Intently.
And I can’t read his expression.
He lifts a hand and waves at me before I head out the front doors.
“See you at the dinner next week, Knox,” he calls after me, like there’s a warning in his tone.
18
Sev
“Holy shit, they went all out this year,” I tell Kieran as we step inside the main Crimson ballroom a week later.
The alumni dinner is already in full swing, and after the past week, all I’m doing is scanning the room for Weston.
We’ve been bad.
All week.
Or, more accurately, I’ve been bad, texting Weston daily like I’m a fucking school kid secret admirer, except my interest isn’t exactly secret. I’ve stolen kisses from him in the hallways after class. I even snuck up into his bedroom one night, managing to get through Onyx House without being seen by anyone else, just to give him a goodnight kiss.