Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
I frown. “I’m mad because you think you know everything about me and you know nothing. I’m mad because you dare even compare our relationship to any others I have been in. I’m mad because I have given you the best years of my life and you throw it in my face continually.” I can’t help it, I break into full-blown sobs.
“How in the hell have you given me the best years of your life? We only just got back together.”
Oh my god. I grab a bottle of shampoo and hurl it at him. “I said, get out!”
“No. Why is our relationship so different to others? You’re talking shit.” He blows out a breath as he links his hands on top of his head.
“You really want to know? Do you?” I scream. “While you were whoring around the United States of America, I was here waiting like the absolute idiot that I am. I have never slept with anyone else, Josh. You’re the only man I’ve ever let make love to me.” He sits back, stunned. “So, when you dare compare what we have to the platonic relationships I had with other people, I find it insulting.”
His eyes widen. “I don’t understand.”
“No, you wouldn’t, because you’ve slept with anyone with a pulse.” I start crying again, frigging hormones.
“Why haven’t you slept with anyone else?” He really is stupid.
“Because I belong to you, Josh. My body belongs to you and I could never betray you. When I said that I loved you, I meant it. Unfortunately, my love has had to be unconditional, because you never loved me with the same depth that I loved you. I told you once, once, that I slept with someone else and you believed it, and you never came back for me. That’s not love, Josh. Trust me I know love, you have no fucking idea. Every goddamn morning my Google alert would tell me about the tenth girl you slept with that week. And I, being the stupid fuck that I am, would cry myself to sleep every night missing you and still deny myself the intimacy that you got from everyone else. Because I couldn’t betray you!” Hearing myself state the pathetic truth hurts and I slump to the floor and burst into full-blown sobs. It’s true. I have given him the best years of my life and he doesn’t love me the way I have always loved him. He showed me that tonight on the dance floor with that girl.
Joshua
My god! I’m shocked. Surely, this can’t be true. She sits on the bottom of the shower sobbing. I have never felt like such a total prick in my life. It’s true, I have fucked my way around the United States…and she’s never…. I put my hand over my mouth. I feel sick to my stomach. Tears fill my eyes, but I quickly blink them away. It’s not…possible…is it? I don’t deserve her. Brock is completely right; she is out of my league. My eyes flick back to her as she sits hysterical on the bottom of the shower. What do I do? How in the hell can I ever make this up to her? And here I am accusing her of planning to break my heart when I’ve been breaking her heart all along. I walk into the shower fully clothed, drop to the floor and pull her onto my lap.
“Baby, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I gently kiss her forehead; her chest is racking with sobs. We have put each other through hell. My denial of intimacy with another woman. Her denial sexually with another man. My heart breaks as I watch her sob in despair. I don’t know what to say, I feel helpless. The lump in my throat is back. Why in the hell are we related? I close my eyes in pain. We deserve an easier path. I have never felt such deep regret. I have always loved her, but deep down I couldn’t forgive her for betraying me and now I find out that she never…. God, what a mess.
“Precious, why didn’t you tell me? When we got back together, you didn’t tell me.” She continues crying and doesn’t answer me. We sit in silence for fifteen minutes as she continues crying. I’m so fucking angry with myself I could punch a hole in the wall. The feeling of raw guilt brings bile to my stomach.
“At first, I didn’t want you to be easy on me…sexually,” she whispers.
My eyes widen. “Oh god, did I hurt you?” My stomach drops as I remember how hard I was on her the first few times, and I close my eyes. FUCK. What’s wrong with me? I should have been able to tell.
“And then I was embarrassed to tell you,” she whispers.