Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145155 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 726(@200wpm)___ 581(@250wpm)___ 484(@300wpm)
“Oh yeah sure, harder for her. You’re a hypocrite.” He turns to walk off again.
“Why am I a hypocrite?” I snap.
He turns and pokes me in the chest. “Who has been my biggest supporter in my sexuality, Josh? Fight for what’s right, Adrian. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, Adrian. You can’t put anyone’s happiness before your own, Adrian. You deserve to be happy, Adrian. Little did I know you wouldn’t have the guts to practice what you preach.”
“It’s different,” I shout. “And you know that. It’s not just me or I would do it in an instant. There isn’t a fucking thing I wouldn’t do to be with her, but I would never hurt her like that.”
“Like what?” He stills.
“Her family will disown her if they know, and I care too fucking much to let her choose me over them. It’s a decision that in years to come she will regret, and I know that for a fact.”
“You asked her last night if she loves you.”
“I did what?”
“You heard me.”
I run both hands through my hair again. “This is a total fuckup.” I nod and go to walk away.
“Don’t you want to know her answer?” He smiles and I shake my head in sad resignation.
“No, I don’t,” I sigh. I walk back down my steps toward my front door.
“Yes!” he yells. “She said yes.”
Oh fuck. What next, how much more am I supposed to take? I just can’t take much more.
She’s killing me softly.
I stalk back to my kitchen and scull my protein shake without tasting it. One night—I just need one more night. This is totally fucked. I’m like a drug addict waiting for my next hit and she is my drug of choice. I text Adrian.
‘I forbid you to go out with her today. If I can’t spend time with her, you’re definitely not. Trust me, she could turn Elton John. But ask her to meet us at the Ivy tonight.’
This is it. I will just spend one more night with her and then that’s it. I will walk away.
14
Natasha
I’m so shitty. So shitty. How dare he ask me if I love him and not say it back? What was it, a fucking test? Did I pass…asshole. He probably wants to see exactly how pathetic I actually am, and you know what? I’m astounded at myself at just how well I passed. I got a high fucking distinction. He doesn’t call me, except in the middle of the night for a booty call. He leaves in the middle of the night, so he doesn’t have to do the walk of shame in the morning. He doesn’t communicate at all with me unless it’s with his damn penis, as lovely as that is.
That’s it, I know I’ve said it before, but I’ve seriously had enough of his shit. If he does call me, which he won’t, but if he does, I’m going to tell him to take a hike. I smile as I listen to my thoughts. Even to my ears I know that’s a lie. I put my head in my hands as I lean onto the kitchen bench. I hate having bastard-player-lover syndrome. Aren’t you supposed to grow out of this shit when you turn nineteen? I pull on my gym gear and head to the gym—anything to stop me from calling him, calling him and begging for him to come back. At 11 a.m. I receive a text.
Hi Tash, Sorry I have to bail on coffee, but do you and your friends want to meet Josh and me at the Ivy tonight? Adrian x
I press the delete button with such force I’m amazed I don’t crack the screen. As if I am going to turn up at the Ivy. He didn’t even text me himself. What a wanker. He can wait there all frigging night or go to hell, either way, I don’t care.
10 p.m.
I am in my flannel PJs, the ones he hates. In spite, of course, with Abbie and Bridget by my side commiserating and drinking wine. We have decided he can go to hell. If he can’t call me himself, well then, he bloody well can’t have me. I must say the thought of him at the Ivy with all of those beautiful women and him being, well, himself, is making me jumpy.
“As if he won’t pick up tonight,” I sigh to Abbie.
“You’re such an idiot,” she snaps. “I thought you wanted answers?”
“I do,” I sigh.
“Well, you are really going to get them here, aren’t you?” I shrug my shoulders as I feel sorry for myself and blow out a breath, my head leaning back onto my sofa.
Bridget chimes in. “Natasha, you are doing the right thing. He’s a self-absorbed prick, remember.”
“What would you do then, Abbie?”
She smiles a sly smile. “I would go and look so unbelievably hot that he would be begging for mercy and then some.” I narrow my eyes. “Why don’t you go and set a trap?”