Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
He stands slowly.
“Loyalty is earned, Max,” I snap. He nods and drops his head.
“I appreciate you being loyal to Natasha, but let’s leave it at that,” I say flatly.
He nods and leaves the apartment silently.
I go back in to check on Tash. She is lying on her back with the blankets pulled up around her face. I smile—so perfect. I gently lie next to her and kiss her cheek.
“Are you ok, Presh?” I whisper. No reply.
It’s four o’clock. I have been lying next to Tash in my boxer shorts for most of the day watching television. My eyes constantly flick to her…over her. I’m worried she has a brain tumor. This migraine thing is not normal for a healthy woman. I have been looking after her feminine needs all day and the intimacy of the act is turning me inside out. I crave this level of attachment to her, from her. I notice the walk-in closet light is on and I get up to turn it off. My eyes flick to the shoe boxes in the bottom of the wardrobe, her diaries. I walk over and pick up the boxes and go back and lie in bed. I open the first one: 2002, she was thirteen. I read a few pages and smile, adorable and so childlike.
I flick through the next few books. They are so candid.
She talks about everything from school to being grounded. She thinks she’s a geek and complains about being too smart.
I smile broadly. I rat back through the box and find the one I am after: 2006. I pause before I open it, should I do this? Do I want to know what’s in her head? I close it and put it back in the box. No…I don’t. I get up and make myself a protein shake and sit at the kitchen counter while I think. Maybe I will just read the first one, the one where she and I first made love. I go back to the bedroom with renewed vigor and open the diary. I flick through till I get to the date I am after.
28/12/2006
Dear Diary
We swam today all day. I’m missing Bridget. I spent the day with Joshua and I’m sunburnt. Joshua is trying to teach me how to surf. I don’t really want to learn but it means I can spend time with him. He makes me happy, he makes me laugh.
I smile, I remember that day.
31/12/2006
Dear Diary
I spent the day with Joshua again. Something is wrong with me. I am having bad thoughts about him. I sit here on my deck chair and he is opposite me as we all sit around the campfire. He is drinking hot chocolate. I want to move my chair next to him. I can’t stop thinking about him, I think I like him. He makes me feel butterflies in my stomach. It’s New Year’s Eve and all I want is for him to kiss me at 12 o’clock. He keeps looking at me and I don’t know if I’m imagining it. I think I am going crazy. He’s my cousin.
I smile and turn the page.
2/1/2007
Joshua has not talked to me all day. I think he knows that I like him. God, I’m such an idiot. I want to go home, I’m embarrassed. I miss Bridget. She would know what to do.
I remember that day, I was confused and purposely kept my distance. I turn the page.
3/1/2007
OMG, big news. I asked Joshua when we were in the water at the beach why he wasn’t talking to me and he told me because he wanted to kiss me, and he was having bad thoughts. I couldn’t help it. I smiled and he splashed me and then tried to drown me.
I smirk to myself, did I really try to drown her?
4/1/2007
At the beach today I was sunbaking, and Joshua was lying next to me. He asked me why I smiled yesterday, and I didn’t know what to say. I should have lied but I couldn’t. I told him that I have been having bad thoughts too. He held my hand as we sunbaked. I loved today.
I smile broadly. I remember all of this. It was exactly the same for me.
5/1/2007
Today was the best day of my life. Joshua and I spent the day surfing and then tonight when we were washing up with Cameron in the kitchen Joshua kept looking at me differently. The last couple of days he has started doing this cracking the neck thing when his eyes drop down my body. It’s fucking hot. What does it mean? Cameron went back to the others and Joshua grabbed my face and rubbed his thumb over my lips. He kissed me, just gently. He told me that he wanted to know how I tasted and that he couldn’t help it. I grabbed him and kissed him properly. Like tongue kissed…kissed. He backed away and told me to go to bed because he shouldn’t be doing this. I told him I think about him when I go to bed. He closed his eyes and told me to stop but then he kissed me again. It was the best kiss ever. He’s so beautiful.