Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 144435 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 722(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 481(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144435 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 722(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 481(@300wpm)
I'll never tell him, but he's the unwitting inspiration behind my next hero. I need to see him in action just once so I can get back to work. It's a necessity at this point. I may go to jail for what I'm about to do. But it's a sacrifice I'm prepared to make in the name of science. Or research. Or unrelenting curiosity. They're basically the same thing, right? Right.
But I would have rethought coming had I known the drive here involved being suspended miles above the earth on narrow, rickety lanes with no barriers to keep us on the road and out of the thick tangle of trees that drop hundreds of feet to the bottom of the mountain. Actual landslides seem safer than this mountain with Clover behind the wheel.
"We are not going to die," she says with a laugh that fills the car. Her shoulders shake, her round face lit up with amusement. "We'll be at the resort before you know it. Just close your eyes and meditate or something."
I shoot her a quelling look. "Do I look like I know how to meditate?"
"Good point." She takes her green eyes off the road to smile at me.
"Eyes on the road, crazy lady!" I cry, covering my glasses with my hands. "I can't die yet. I haven't even had sex."
Clover cracks up. "Wait. Seriously? You're a virgin too?"
"Too?" I peel my hands away from my eyes to gawk at my stylish friend. "Hold the phone. You're a virgin? Holy crap." Clover is curvy like me, but she's freaking gorgeous. She's also sassy and playful. She can be a big flirt, and she's not afraid of anyone or anything.
Me on the other hand…well, let's just say I put the mess in hot mess. What I know about life, I learned from books. My mom always had big dreams of me being a pageant girl like her. She even named me Cassiopeia as if giving me the vain queen of legend's name would somehow instill me with her beauty and grace. It didn't. All I got was her big mouth.
I'm cute, sure. But I'm not pageant girl material. I'm curvy and awkward. Public speaking gives me hives, and I'd probably die if I tried to don a pair of heels. The simple truth is, I much prefer the worlds inside my head to the one spinning on outside of it.
At least in there, I understand the rules and control the outcomes. I get to decide what happens and when. And no one expects me to be anything other than I am. I'm not too much or too little of anything.
My friends say I'm dramatic which is probably true, but I prefer animated. It sounds less like a character defect and more like a quirk. I have a lot of those. I'm loud and messy and animated. My mouth moves before I can stop it sometimes, and the most inappropriate, nerdy things come out of it. But the thing is…I don't care. I happen to like me the way I am.
I have a big heart and I mean well. Maybe I'm not model-thin like my mom. Maybe I haven't slept my way through half the state of Washington. Maybe I don't want to parade around in front of crowds or be known for my looks, but I'm healthy. I'm happy. I have the coolest job on the planet and the most amazing friends. It's enough for me.
It will never be enough for my mom. It doesn't matter how successful I am or how happy I am, in her eyes, the fact that I don't date means I'm defective. The fact that I'm curvy and awkward makes me an embarrassment. She wanted a clone. She got a daughter with a brain and her own dreams instead. I gave up trying to convince her of my worth a long time ago. Now, I just try to avoid being in the same room with her as often as possible.
"Yep," Clover says. "It's not that I haven't wanted to. I mean, I've been close a few times, but I always chicken out. People think I'm so confident but it's all a show. As soon as I get to that place where I have to be vulnerable with someone, I run."
"Same." I tip my head back to rest it against the seat. My mom has been married more times than I can count. I think it made me and my half-brother both gun-shy. Neither of us are in a hurry to follow in her footsteps. When I fall in love, I want it to be forever. I'll wait however long I have to wait to find that. At least that's what I tell myself. But the truth is…I'm so afraid I'll end up like my mom—falling in love with every man who comes along, no matter how horrible they are—that I run from any man who even looks in my direction.