Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 95520 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 478(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95520 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 478(@200wpm)___ 382(@250wpm)___ 318(@300wpm)
“I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed when you needed it. I’m sorry I couldn’t see past myself. I’m sorry that after doing all the work, I fell back into my own bullshit and fucked us up all over again.”
“I could have stayed,” I murmur.
“No, you were right to leave me. I’m questioning now if I deserve you. That’s why I want us to go to counseling.
“I can want you, but that doesn’t mean I deserve you. I’m here to do the work with you this time. We got a hell of a bad hand. We were kids and had the rug pulled out from under us.”
“You can say that again.”
“It feels like I’ve spent more of my life grieving than anything else. First, the loss of our dads, then the loss of you. I’m thirty-one, Zah.
“I want to stop hurting. I want you. I can’t have you thinking that the moment something gets hard between us, I’m going to bail or make shit weird.
“I also want to free you of this guilt. It’s not real. It has no root.”
“But—”
“No, baby. Our dads could have been going anywhere together. You remember how they would sneak out together for ice cream or milkshakes when our moms were on diets?”
I nod and smile. The memory hits so hard I almost gasp. We used to tease them about it all the time.
“See? The only person I used to blame was that trucker and I had to let that go and forgive him. That shit was eating me alive.
“Baby, I was a twenty-one-year-old kid watching his girlfriend’s world crumble around her, while losing his dad, his best friend. My dad meant so much to me. I felt guilty for not knowing how to be a shoulder for you to lean on when you were losing way more than I had.
“You’re so strong, Zah. I may not even deserve you today, but I’m going to make myself worthy if you will have me. And once we’ve done the work—and we both know I’m worthy of your time, heart, and love—then I’ll do everything in my power to make the dreams we used to talk about come true,” he says like a promise.
“You know what’s crazy? In hindsight, I can see everything we did wrong. It’s like watching your favorite movie and yelling at them to get their shit together, but they can’t hear you,” I say into my lap.
“I know exactly what you mean. So many times, I’ve wanted to come back to you and say so much, but I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the right words.”
“Do you think we’ll find those words now?”
“Yeah, Zah, we’ll find them because I’m not whole without you. We have so much to fight for this time.”
I scoot closer to him and push my hand through the front of his thick locks. It all falls right back into place, bringing a smile to my face. He cups the side of my head and leans in to capture my lips.
I moan into his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck. It feels like coming home. This is where I’ve always belonged.
“I want you so much right now. If you want to wait, say the word. It’s your decision.”
“Thank you for acknowledging my feelings, but I’ve wanted you since you showed up. I’ve missed you so much, babe,” I say.
“Thank God,” he groans.
He stands with me in his arms, and I wrap my legs around him. Bentley continues to devour my mouth as he carries me to my bedroom.
It’s as if my soul sighs in relief as he kisses his way down my body. When he pops the button on my jeans, I start to panic. I’ve put in a lot of work to get my body back after having our son, but nothing is the same.
Bentley doesn’t miss a beat. He peels my jeans down my legs and kisses all over my skin. I sit up and lift my arms when he goes to peel my shirt off.
Unfastening my bra, he allows the fabric to fall into my lap, where I push it away. He eats me up with his gaze. I go to cover my breasts, feeling all types of self-conscious.
He shakes his head. “You never need to hide from me. You’re so fucking beautiful. I can see all the signs of you carrying my son.
“Thank you, Zahirah. Thank you for not—”
I cover his lips with my finger. “I couldn’t bear the thought of destroying something we created together. You don’t have to thank me.
“We made him together. I’m sorry—”
He takes my lips, cutting my words off. I’m breathless when he breaks the seal of our lips. He looks me deep in the eyes.
“No more sorries. Let’s reset the clock from this moment. We’re here, we have our son, and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”