Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73252 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73252 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
“I know,” he says softly. And I can tell the words hurt him too. For a few seconds, we simply stare at each other. Then my phone rings. I pull it from my pocket and hold it up so Xavier can see.
Marie.
I answer. There’s no point putting her on speaker. Xavier will hear every word anyway.
“We just got a live hit on Claire’s location,” I rush out.
“Are you serious?” Marie asks.
“Yeah. My brothers and I are heading there now. We’re going to try to find her before she takes off again.”
“She’s still in Pittsburgh?”
“As of right now.” I look at Xavier. “How long is the flight?”
“If you leave within the hour, I can have you on the ground in roughly two hours.”
I repeat that to Marie.
“I have friends in Pennsylvania,” she says. “I’ll let them know you’re heading that direction. They may be able to offer you protection through their coven if you need it.” She pauses. “At least for you and Claire. I’m not sure they’d allow your brothers inside. Order members aren’t exactly trusted.”
“Fair.”
“Thank you.”
“Of course, honey.”
We end the call. I shove my phone back into the pocket on my thigh and look at Xavier again
“And thank you.” He isn’t stopping me. He isn’t even objecting. And I don’t know what that means. Is this growth? Is this us finally learning how to trust each other enough to let the other person make their own choices? Or is it something worse? The slow realization that our worlds were never meant to coexist?
I hate that this goodbye feels more significant than it should. It really is simple. He has to stay here and deal with the fallout from the coalition. I have to find Claire before Vivian gets to her.
Neither of us can be in two places at once.
But with every turn of the tires, every little bit of distance growing between us, the weight of leaving him settles heavier in my chest. It feels like anticipatory heartbreak. Like I’m grieving something that hasn’t even happened yet.And I hate that I’m questioning us, but I can’t seem to stop.
Witches and vampires are like fire and water. We don’t mix. My mind runs through every possible version of how this could end as I blink back tears. Maybe if I were just a normal witch and hadn’t been raised by the Order, things would be different. Maybe demons wouldn’t be coming after us. Maybe I wouldn’t be dragging so much chaos into Xavier’s life and putting the entire city at risk.
I have to remind myself sometimes that the Order raised us to put everyone else first. To ignore our own needs. To be perfect little soldiers who never asked for anything for ourselves. So I know it’s okay to want things. To choose things for me.
But this?
This isn’t just about me. People are getting hurt. The coalition is falling apart. And I don’t want to leave Xavier, but maybe some distance—even temporarily—is the right thing.
Maybe I could spend that time at the Covenstead with Marie. Learn magic. Learn who I am without the Order. Before I knew I could love someone as much as I love Xavier, that all-consuming kind of love was all I thought I wanted. Though even saying that feels like lying to myself. Because what I’ve really wanted, more than anything, is to be loved. Accepted. And Xavier does love me. He accepts the dark parts of me I still struggle to accept in myself.
But wanting something doesn’t automatically make it right.
And the very real possibility that we could be two tortured souls who love each other deeply and still have to walk away absolutely terrifies me. I don’t know how I would recover if I couldn’t be with him.
Logically, I know I would survive. I know I would keep moving. I’d throw myself into hunting demons. I have friends. Family. An entire coven waiting to welcome me. But would I actually be okay? Would the hole in my heart ever close?
There were nights after Ryder broke my heart when I didn’t think I would survive that either. But I did. I’m still here. So maybe I’d survive this too.
But truthfully…I don’t want to.
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
“So this is how the other half lives,” Leo says, standing up from the reclining seat he was just sprawled in. The plane has leveled out, and we don’t have much airtime left before we land in Pittsburgh. Xavier arranged a car for us, and we’re heading straight to a coffee shop near the bus station where Claire was last seen several hours ago.
“She got spooked,” Leo says, “but there’s a decent chance she’ll try to buy another ticket once the shift changes and there’s someone new working the desk.”
“Maybe go easy on the champagne,” Antonio says, watching Leo pour himself a second glass