Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Having never seen a naked man, I had no comparison, but my best friend was hot. Broad shoulders, trim waist, tight butt, and defined muscles. He pulled on a pair of white briefs and turned. His eyebrows shot up his forehead as water dripped from his shaggy, wet bangs.
I jumped back into the hallway and closed his door. A few seconds later, Tillie emerged from her room.
“Oh, hey Gabby.” She grinned. “Just a second,” she said, stepping back into her messy bedroom then returning with a paperclip.
Before I could say anything, she jabbed it into the round hole, stabbing it in different directions. “Hmm …” she turned the knob. “Oh. Wow. He didn’t have it locked.” She pushed open the door.
Ben eyed both of us with a cautious expression. He had on gray sweatpants and a white T-shirt. Tillie waved at him and mouthed, “Be nice.”
Was he reading lips?
I was on the fence between stepping back into his room and running away. Ben broke eye contact first, sitting on his bed to put on his white tube socks. On a deep breath, I stepped into his room and closed his door behind me. There was no hiding the residual embarrassment that lingered like a warm washcloth over my face.
I navigated the minefield of Legos to get to his desk where I picked up a pen to write something. But what? Suddenly, I’d forgotten why I was there or what I wanted to say. Seeing my best friend naked messed with my train of thought. Was I there to apologize? It’s not like I did anything wrong. He’s the one who kicked me out of his room. Maybe I was there to tell him goodbye and good luck for … being deaf? Closing my eyes, I shook my head at that stupid thought.
Was I there to take off my clothes? If so, he beat me to it. My stripping would have felt like a copycat.
I started to write on the notebook paper.
I’m
That’s it. That was as much as I could think of. I was what? Never had I felt such a loss for words around Ben. Just the opposite. He was used to enduring my long spiels about everything from my sisters to how lucky he was to be a boy and therefore had no menstrual cycles. Everything came easily with Ben. He’d been an extension of myself. We had no secrets. No lines. In fact, nothing in life felt real until I told Ben, and I had always thought he felt the same.
But writing the words was different, and I don’t know why it felt so hard. Writing was easy for me. I wrote all my feelings in the margins of books or the blank pages of journals. My every emotion and entire existence had been recorded in ink.
I X’d out the word and set the pen on the notebook. Then I noticed the pile of unopened letters I sent him. He was completely shutting me out, so I made my way to him, finding a few open spaces to step. He looked so sad with his forlorn eyes, downturned lips, and curled shoulders.
I wedged my way between his legs to stand as close to him as possible, simultaneously bracing for him to physically kick me out of his room. When he didn’t move, I pressed my palms to his cheeks, the softness of his beard teased my skin. When he closed his eyes and leaned into my touch, it made my chest ache. To distract myself from the tears burning my eyes, I leaned in and kissed him. It was slow and easy, unlike our previous kisses. A leisurely stroll in the park on a sunny afternoon. At first, I couldn’t tell if he was kissing me back, but then his hands slid up the back of my legs and he leaned into the kiss.
Those tears burned hotter instead of going away. I’d missed him so much. The longing and loneliness mixed with the guilt and uncertainty had left me feeling broken and lost. My nerves were replaced with need.
I needed Ben to hold me, piece me back together like one of his Lego creations. As I threaded my fingers through his damp hair, he guided my legs, one at a time, to straddle his lap without breaking our kiss. He made a noise that sounded like a drawn-out groan, and I wondered if he could hear himself. As he flicked my tongue with the tip of his, he hugged me to him, laying me on his bed with his pelvis cradled between my legs.
We kissed for what felt like forever, yet I never wanted it to end. I liked kissing my best friend, and I wanted to tell him as much, but he couldn’t hear me. That brought more tears to my eyes, so I turned my head to catch a shaky breath while Ben kissed along my jaw to my ear and down my neck. When his mouth returned to my face, he opened his eyes, seeing the first few tears escape.