Total pages in book: 46
Estimated words: 43402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 217(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 43402 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 217(@200wpm)___ 174(@250wpm)___ 145(@300wpm)
I try to push air out, because it feels like it’s just lodged there. It doesn’t sound like Bear shared my story with him and for that I’m thankful. I need to get control of my emotions here. Blade and I are walking a very thin tightrope—even if he doesn’t have a clue. Eventually, I need to share everything with him, but I don’t want to yet. For the first time in my life, I feel loved and beautiful. Even more important than that, I feel normal. I want to revel in that for a little longer. It’s a gift that I never thought I would receive.
I reach out and lay my hand against his cheek. “You made me feel safe enough to give myself to you,” I whisper. “You make me feel … special.”
Blade’s eyes soften. He leans in, kisses me with a tenderness that makes my throat ache. “You are safe, baby. What you gave me last night was the biggest gift in my life,” he says quietly. “I don’t take it lightly. I love you, Livy.”
The words hit me like sunlight after a long storm. I heard them all night. Blade made love to me three different times through the night and each time he made sure I knew how much he loved me. Still, there’s something different about hearing it in the light of day, when we’re just here in bed and not actively making love. It makes it more real. Tears well instantly in my eyes before slipping down my cheeks. I don’t even try to stop them. “I love you too, Blade.”
We kiss again—slow, deep, and full of all the things I’ve never dared to hope for. When we pull apart, he strokes my hair away from my face.
“Will you tell me what happened to you?” he asks softly.
The question sits between us like a live wire. I close my eyes, take a breath that shakes. “It was a long time ago,” I start, voice already cracking. “It’s not pretty, although I guess being raped never is.”
His whole body goes still, but he doesn’t speak. He just waits, his face gentle and his hold even more so.
“I was seventeen. He was older—closer to Bear’s age, maybe older—and part of a motorcycle club. It wasn’t the Saint’s, it was before they moved here,” I tell him, wanting to reassure him of that right away. “I was visiting my brother at a garage where he was working at the time. I was hoping I could talk him into letting me take care of our father. Dad had just fallen and messed up his leg. He needed someone to watch him and if I couldn’t do it, they were going to put him in a nursing home. My brother is not a good person. He mostly hates Dad. I’m not sure why he agreed, but I think it’s because he wants the property Dad owns here in Cherokee and if he had been put in a long-term care facility, they would lay claim on the land. For whatever reason, he did agree. I remember walking away from the garage, feeling like life was going to finally begin for me. This guy waited until I was out of sight of everyone else. Then he grabbed me. I can still smell him and remember the way fear spiked through me. I—” My words splinter. My throat burns as memories try to overwhelm me. “He beat me so bad I couldn’t walk for two days. He took me there while I lay bleeding on the gravel. I must have blacked out, but when I woke up, he was dragging me by my hair inside his club. He threw me in a cage, laughing and saying girls like me deserved it.” The tears come harder now, but I couldn’t stop them, even if I had the gumption to try.
I press my fists to my eyes, but Blade catches my hands, holds them gently. “Don’t Usdi. Just don’t. I understand.”
“You deserve to know,” I whisper as guilt fills me.
“That’s yours to keep. You talk about it when you want to and not before. If we never discuss it, I won’t give a damn. None of it changes how I feel about you. I’m just going to ask you one question, and I do need you to tell me.”
“Do you know his name, because when I find out, I’m going to kill him for you, Usdi. I swear it.”
“Bear took care of him,” I somewhat lie. Bear did kill two of the Feral Kings.
His brows lift. “Dead?”
“Yes,” I whisper. “Bear killed him.” He blinks, absorbing it. “They called him Buzz and Bear ended his life, Blade.”
It should make me feel better that I’m telling him my story. In some ways, I guess it does. Still, I don’t tell him the rest—the part about Douglas, my brother played in it all, or how he gave me to Demon like a whore he bought and paid for. That secret still sits too deep and honestly, I’m not sure that I can ever share it. Besides, if I told Blade the whole truth, he’d go after Douglas, Demon, and the rest of the Feral Kings. Most likely, Bear and the others would join him. Blade may not be a part of them, but they like him. Plus, Blade wants to be part of the Saints, and he’s working with them. That’s all it would take. The Saints can’t fight that war. There’s too much riding on this casino for them to get lost in revenge on my behalf.