Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 120186 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120186 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 601(@200wpm)___ 481(@250wpm)___ 401(@300wpm)
Nobody says anything while I eat. That’s how I know this is bad. If it were just a check-in, Levi would be cracking jokes, and Sawyer would be on his phone handling some secret family business. None of those things is happening. They’re all quiet. Watching. Waiting for Calder to do whatever Calder’s going to do.
Once I’m finished, I push the empty bowl away and lean back. “Alright. Get on with it.”
Calder pulls out the chair across from me and sits. He plants both forearms on the table and leans in. “You look like shit.”
“Wow, thanks.”
“When’s the last time you slept? And I mean actually slept, not passed out for two hours and stared at the ceiling the rest of the night.”
I don’t respond because we both know the answer.
“How about eating something, and I mean before just now?” He jerks his chin at the empty bowl. “Showered before today? Left that room for anything other than coffee?”
I lift a brow. “You keeping tabs on me?”
“Somebody has to.” His voice is flat. Not angry. Worse than angry—tired. “God knows you don’t give a shit what happens to you.”
I clench my jaw so hard my teeth ache. “I’m fine.”
Sawyer makes a sound from the table that’s almost a laugh but not quite. I shoot him a look, but he just raises an eyebrow. Sure you are, that look says.
“You’re not fine.” Calder’s voice drops lower. Not softer—lower. Like a warning. “You killed our father six days ago, and I know that weighs on you. I can’t even imagine that, but you did what you had to do. It was him or us. But I fear that ending him killed something inside you, and I can’t sit here and watch you fall apart without at least trying to help.” The words land like fists. I want to shove back from the table and tell him to go to hell, but my legs won’t move.
I’m exhausted. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally. The kind of tiredness you carry in your soul. “You’ve been hanging out with Saint too much. Don’t go getting mushy on me.”
“This isn’t a heart-to-heart, Kade. I won’t hold your hand and tell you it will be okay. This is me telling you to knock your shit off.”
Levi shifts on the couch. I can feel him watching me, but I keep my eyes on Calder.
“You’ve got questions eating you alive. I know you do. We all know you do.” Calder’s eyes don’t waver. “Roman’s confession shocked us all, so I imagine it more than rattled you.”
“Do we really need to talk about this?”
“Yes, we really need to talk about this.” Calder shakes his head at me. “Emma Porter is your mother, and you deserve to know her side of the story. You deserve to know what the fuck happened.” The name hits me like a gut punch. I flinch before I can stop myself, and I hate that they all witness that level of vulnerability.
“She’s been calling you,” Calder says. It’s not a question. I’m not surprised he knows. You can’t hide anything from him.
“Texting,” I correct, because apparently that distinction matters to me.
“And you haven’t responded.”
“No.”
“Why?”
The laugh that comes out of me is ugly and bitter. “Why? Because fuck her, that’s why. Because she had my entire life to reach out, and she didn’t. Because everything I know came out of Roman’s mouth, and that man didn’t say a single honest thing in his life unless it was designed to destroy someone. Because—” I stop. My pitch is climbing, and my hands are fisted on the table. Everyone in this room can see me unraveling.
Calder lets the silence sit for a beat. Then two. Then he says, “That’s exactly why you need to go talk to her.”
“The hell I do.”
“You just listed every reason yourself. You don’t know what’s true. You don’t know her side. And you’re never going to get back to any version of normal until you find out.”
“What if I don’t want to be that version of myself anymore?”
“Then don’t be, but you won’t know who you are until you unpack all this shit, and moping around and sulking ain’t going to fix the problem.”
That one stings. I glare at him, but Calder doesn’t back down. He never does. That’s the thing about my oldest brother. He’s not cruel about it, but he will look you dead in the eye and say the thing nobody else has the balls to say. Roman ruled with fear. Calder leads with the kind of blunt honesty that makes you want to punch him in the mouth even when you know he’s right.
Especially when you know he’s right.
“I’m not ready,” I say. It’s annoying how small my voice sounds.
“You’re never going to be ready. That’s not how this works.” Calder leans back and crosses his arms again. “So here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to get in your truck, drive to the Porter ranch, and have a conversation with Emma Porter. Today.”