Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 96752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96752 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 484(@200wpm)___ 387(@250wpm)___ 323(@300wpm)
Lydia sits down beside me. “Yes. Honey, you know when we had all those talks about your questionnaires? Do you think I didn’t learn something about you? We talked about your past relationships. You weren’t in love with those boys. You selected men you couldn’t fall in love with. Even this relationship you started with Reid follows the pattern. You are running under the impression that it’s an affair and it has an end date so it’s safe for you to enjoy it. Except a woman who was merely enjoying an affair wouldn’t sit here and cry because she doesn’t know why her lover is hurting. Can you admit that? You’re not crying because you’re angry. You’re crying because he doesn’t trust you enough to let you help him.”
The words open an ache inside me. She’s right. “I don’t think he loves her.”
Lydia’s eyes are bright with tears, too. “No. I think he might love you and he might worry that whatever he’s hiding could infect you. So, my darling girl, the question is do you have to know? Do you need to know why he keeps going to a dark place whenever this woman shows up? Or is it enough to be his light until he’s ready to tell you?”
The tears fall pretty freely now. “Will he? Will he tell me?”
“That’s the risk you take when you love someone,” Lydia explains. “I think he will. I honestly believe this has more to do with his brother than he’s willing to say. I’ve spent some time with Jeremiah and he’s such a sweetheart. But there’s something dark about him. Not dangerous. We all have our darkness. He hasn’t reconciled his yet, and so it’s his brother’s burden. Rather like your family business is yours, and you rarely allow anyone to help you with it.”
She’s not wrong. I hid it for so long because I felt like I should be able to handle it. I was ashamed. I only asked Ivy to help me when I thought the whole thing would go under. “But, Lydia, he walked away. He doesn’t want me around.”
“So change his mind. One of the things that I believe could make you and Reid an excellent couple is the fact that you come from similar places. You both bear a deep and abiding sense of responsibility that isolates you. But what if you didn’t have to be alone? What if you opened up to him and allowed him to help you? It might be what he needs to feel okay with asking for his own help. But you have to make the decision.”
A gut-wrenching decision. A terrifying decision because if I’m wrong, then the heartache I feel right now will be an ache forever, but I’ll compound it with feeling like a fool.
How much is my pride worth? My father taught me it was worth everything. My mother believes appearances are far more important than honesty. Maybe it’s time I learn from the people who truly have it together. “You think I should go to him.”
“I think the man you love is hurting and you left him with something else to worry about. If you’re brave you can tell him you won’t leave him. You can say it doesn’t matter and he never has to tell you a thing but you trust him.”
“Do I?”
Lydia’s voice goes low. “My darling girl, who do you not trust? Reid? Or yourself?”
The question hits me squarely in the chest, threatening to suck all the air from my body.
I don’t trust me. I don’t trust that the ground I walk on is firm and won’t crumble and shake beneath me. I don’t trust that I can build something strong enough to last because the one marriage I had as an example had been rotten at the core.
I don’t have to choose between being my mother and being alone. I can choose a different path.
“Whoa, Nonna, what did you do?” Heath stands beside Ivy in the hallway.
Ivy puts a hand on her boyfriend’s chest. “It’s okay. It’s good for her to cry. She doesn’t cry enough.” She steps toward me, a soft look on her face. She kneels down in front of me. “Harper, I think we got it all. Unless Britta has a copy I couldn’t find, we have the only one. Now that doesn’t mean they won’t run the story. We deleted all the files I could find, but I can’t be certain.”
I sniffle. “You could get in trouble.”
Ivy waves off the idea. “They won’t be able to find me.”
“And if they do Lawyer is very bored right now.” CeCe joins Heath, a fresh martini in her hand. It’s her favorite accessory. “Honestly, Harper, it upsets me seeing you like this. Should I purchase the magazine? I can have it razed to the ground.” She puts a hand to her chest and grimaces. “Oh, I don’t like this feeling at all. Perhaps we should go to war with France.”