Total pages in book: 28
Estimated words: 26537 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 133(@200wpm)___ 106(@250wpm)___ 88(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 26537 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 133(@200wpm)___ 106(@250wpm)___ 88(@300wpm)
But it’s my betrayal that destroyed our relationship, and my shoulders slump slightly when the memory comes crashing back. That was then; this is now, and I can’t forget it.
Yet Jenna seems in good spirits. She cocks her head to the side in the cutest way and throws me a glance.
“So yes, Emma was surprised about the Depo Provera stuff, but she also wasn’t, to be honest. She said you’ve always wanted children. Desperately so.”
I nod slowly, my expression giving nothing away.
“Yes, I have. Dating sucked because unfortunately, good looks, a good job, and a shit ton of money is no guarantee for finding the right woman. So I threw in the towel, and stuck to Sweet Lies after years of disappointment and defeat. But what else did my daughter tell you?” I ask slowly. “Is that it?”
“Yes,” Jenna responds immediately. “Why, is there more? Were you using two dating sites, including one I’ve never heard of?”
I shake my head, planning my approach as the future wavers in the air before me. I can almost feel the scales tipping, and in order for them to tip in my direction, I know I have to be upfront.
“There is more, and no, it’s not about another dating site,” I say in a low tone. “Because yes, my daughter’s smart and perceptive, and she hit a lot of things on the nose, but Emma doesn’t know everything. Or rather, she didn’t capture the depths of my despair.”
Jenna’s eyebrows go up.
“The depths of your despair? That’s certainly poetic.”
I nod slowly, careful as I proceed.
“It is, but I mean it too, because what happened broke my heart. My soul, even.”
Jenna looks sympathetic.
“It has to do with losing custody of Emma, doesn’t it? I’m so sorry that that happened to you, Rick. But at least you’ve reconnected as adults!”
“Yes, that was tough,” I acknowledge. “Because being a father is really important to me. But there’s more. I had two serious girlfriends after my divorce, and they were lovely women. Both Barbara and Courtney were incredibly kind, intelligent, smart, and ambitious. Both of them got pregnant while we were together, and both of them broke my heart again.”
At this statement, Jenna looks surprised.
“Wait, what?”
“Yes,” I say in a slow tone. “Both Courtney and Barbara fell pregnant unexpectedly, and for me, it was a dream come true. I wanted to be a father again badly, and those babies were very much cherished and wanted. But I think you already know how this ends because obviously, Emma is my only child. Both Courtney and Barbara decided to terminate their pregnancies, and I was destroyed by their decisions.”
Jenna’s staring at me with astonished blue eyes, her mouth agape.
“Oh my god!”
“Yes,” I say in a grim voice, my heart thudding in my chest painfully. “The two terminations were years apart. The two women never knew about each other, except in the vaguest of terms. But yes, losing two children like that was a blow to me, and destroyed my hopes of ever fathering another child. Don’t get me wrong because I fully supported their decisions. Barb and Courtney were career women who weren’t ready to be mothers, and their reasoning was logical and sane. But as an individual, I was utterly destroyed. Heartbroken. Shattered.”
Jenna’s blue eyes are as round as saucers, and she lifts a small hand to her mouth.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Rick.”
I hold up a hand and the corner of my mouth ticks up.
“It’s okay. It was years ago. But the devastation was so complete that I gave up my hopes of becoming a father. I gave up normal dating altogether, and turned to Sweet Lies instead.”
Jenna’s still got one hand in front of her mouth, which she slowly lowers.
“Again, I’m so sorry, Rick.”
“No, it’s okay,” I state in a deep voice. “It was a long time ago, and again, I fully support a woman’s choice. But after what I went through, I couldn’t go through it again. It’s another reason why I use Sweet Lies. The service ensures that all their girls are on contraception, and not only that, but I used back-up birth control for a good long while with you, Jenna. There was no way I was subjecting myself to that again.”
“I remember,” the curvy girl murmurs. “I’m so sorry, Rick.”
I nod.
“Don’t be, sweetheart. It’s a sad story, but it’s mine to bear, and I don’t want to put it on you. If anything, you renewed my faith because I’d given up hope of becoming a father again, and only when I met you did my heart blossom with possibilities. I know it sounds romantic and ridiculous and insane, but it’s the truth. I wanted a baby with you and acted like a lunatic in my efforts to achieve that. I regret it, and I’m sorry, Jenna.”