Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 405(@200wpm)___ 324(@250wpm)___ 270(@300wpm)
“I don’t know what to say.” I gave his hand a gentle squeeze as I told him, “I’m just so very sorry this happened to you and to them.”
“I’ve tried to let them go, but I can’t.”
“But you don’t have to.” I meant every word when I told him, “You can hold onto them for as long as you want to. I know I would hold onto mine until I took my last breath, and I wouldn’t expect you to do any different.”
That’s when I saw the resistance and the fear.
But I also saw hope, and that was something I could work with. I inched a little closer, and I kept my tone soft and steady as I said, “You have such a big heart, Walker. I’ve seen it for myself. I’m hoping in time, you will see that there’s room for us all.”
I knew he wasn’t sure when he lowered his head and stared down at the dirt. That made my heart ache, because I knew there was a good chance I was losing him. I couldn’t leave there without telling him how I felt, so I let out a deep breath and said, “I know it’s early, and probably not the best time to say this, but I’ve fallen in love with you, Walker. And that’s scary to admit. It’s fast and unexpected, and there are still a lot of pieces of the puzzle that we haven’t put in place, but I think there’s something here. I think you do, too.”
“I wouldn’t be sitting here if I didn’t.”
“Okay, so now, you just have to decide if you have it in you to give us a chance… You don’t have to answer me now. Take whatever time you need.” As much as I wanted to see this thing through, I had to be realistic. I didn’t want to start something that would only end up hurting us both. “But when you do answer, I need you to be sure. Really sure.”
He gave me a nod, and I took that as my cue to stand.
I walked back into the house, and, doing my best not to cry, I grabbed my phone from my purse and requested an Uber. Once it was confirmed, I went back to the bedroom and got dressed. I waited there until I received a notification that my driver was two minutes away.
I grabbed my purse and headed back to the porch. Walker was still sitting where I’d left him. When he spotted the headlights coming down the drive, he glanced up at me and said, “You’re a good one, Raelyn. Don’t ever doubt that.”
“Walker…”
“I mean it, Rae. You showed me it’s possible to walk through the darkness.”
“I’ll walk through it with you, and if you let me, we can find our way out together.”
He stood and walked over to me. He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead before going back inside the house, leaving me wondering if I would ever see him again.
I felt literally sick as I made my way down the steps and got into the Uber, and I had to fight back the tears as I glanced back at the house and saw no sign of Walker. It all seemed so surreal.
One minute, we were in bed, making plans for his house, and the next, he was telling me he couldn’t do this. Maybe I pushed too hard. It was too much, too soon. Or maybe he knew I would never compare to her. I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure I ever would.
I tried to tell myself that I would be fine, that everything would work out like it was supposed to. I just needed to get home, and after a shower and some sleep, I’d have a clear head.
But the farther away we got from his house, the harder it was to ignore the growing ache in my chest. It didn’t help that Walker’s voice kept playing in my head.
‘She saw something in me I didn’t see in myself…’
‘Couldn’t imagine a day without her in it…’
‘She gave me a son… You’re a good one, Rae.’
His words were bad enough, but the way he looked at me, like he’d already made his decision, was all I could take. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with all the feelings erupting inside of me. I hadn’t felt like this before.
Thankfully, I had some time to figure it out.
The boys were at Dan’s, so it was just Milo and me. He met me at the door and waddled behind me as I started down the hallway. I went straight for the bathroom, and he sat on the floor, watching with his head tilted as I turned on the shower.
I felt numb as I undressed and got inside.
The water was hot enough to sting, but I didn’t move. I just stood there, letting it cascade down over my head and shoulders. I stood there long after the mirror had fogged over and the water should’ve run cold. I let the hot water pour over my face, trying to pretend I wasn’t still falling apart.