Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 105748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 529(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 529(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
“Fine, but we are having this discussion.”
We returned to her dorm room in tense, ugly silence and as soon as the door shut behind us, Taran let loose. “I can’t do this, Quinn!”
Her yell wobbled with her tears.
My heart sank into my stomach. “Can’t do what?”
“This.” She sobbed, gesturing between us, tears streaming down her face. “I feel guilty all the time for having a life here in Glasgow. You always seem mad or disappointed in me, and I can’t do it.”
“I’m not.” I took a pleading step toward her. “I just want you to remember that we’re in a relationship.”
“I do. But this is a big adjustment. And I feel like we’re on such different paths right now.” Taran ran a shaky hand through her hair and shrugged unhappily. “I think … I think we should take a break.”
Fuck.
Fuck!
Her words winded me.
“Mo luaidh … stop. Okay? Just take a minute. I know I didn’t handle the Julian and pub situation very well, but that doesn’t mean we rush into breaking up.”
Taran stepped forward, hiccupping with her tears. “I need some time alone. I’m not saying it’s forever. I just need time to figure out what I want.” She looked really young. So young. Even though I was a year older, I’d never felt that young. Not since having to step into a role of responsibility after my dad left.
Was I holding her back?
Was I pulling her down?
Was I too old in mind and set in my ways?
I wasn’t adventurous enough for her anymore. I was just an ordinary bloke who didn’t want to leave the island I grew up on, who liked working with his hands, and hoped to have his own construction company one day. I was starting classes at a community college in Oban to help me get there, and that was the extent of my ambition.
Taran talked about traveling the world and maybe doing a PhD.
For months and months, I’d been denying the fact that Taran’s avoidance of talking about settling down on the island with me after her degree meant something.
Oh aye, it meant something all right.
Taking some time or breaking up … it was the same thing.
“Right, then. I’ll go.”
“Quinn.” She sobbed my name. “Please. I just need some time—”
“Nah. I get it.” I couldn’t look at her. if I looked at her, I would fall apart. Snatching up my backpack, I turned and left to the sound of her crying out my name.
12. Taran
February, Eighteen and a Half Years Ago
For the past few months, I’d felt like I was living someone else’s life. Just going through the motions each day. When I’d suggested Quinn and I take some time, I hadn’t known how I’d feel without him. That’s what I’d hoped the breakup would help me figure out. For so long, he had been my rock. I had Mum, of course, but it was different with Quinn. I’d envisioned our entire lives together since we started dating. School, house, marriage, babies, grandbabies, retirement. I’d had it all mapped out with Quinn by my side. I had yet to exist without Quinn, and part of me wondered if that was hindering me from fully experiencing life.
But being away from him and experiencing new situations and new people from different walks of life had made me feel disconnected from him. And it scared me how much I hated that disconnect. It made me want to give up all my dreams and run back to the island to be with him.
Yet that scared the shit out of me too.
Christmas without him was miserable. I hated being home on Glenvulin and having to avoid him. In fact, I avoided everyone. I didn’t leave the house until it was time to head back to Glasgow.
January had crept past at a snail’s pace.
The only exciting thing to happen was that Julian made another pass at me, and it pissed me off that Quinn was right. I felt guilty too. I shouldn’t have spent time alone with a boy who fancied me. And compared to Quinn, Julian was a boy. Did Julian seriously think I could fall for anyone else when I had someone like Quinn? That nonsense Quinn spewed about my friends, though … I didn’t think that was fair. My friends thought Quinn was amazing until that night at the pub. At least the girls did. They thought he was this rugged, brooding islander. “You’re so lucky, Taran. He’s such a man for a nineteen-year-old.”
When pushed to divulge, I’d bragged about how good the sex was.
I missed sex with Quinn.
I missed everything with Quinn.
It suddenly seemed ridiculously clear that it wasn’t an either/or situation. I could pursue my dreams and still be with Quinn. Why was I so stupid in thinking we couldn’t make this work? We were Quinn and Taran! We were meant to be.