Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88212 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 441(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
I agonize over the details for a while, then set the canvas on the tarp on the floor and add a darker blue to express how this image haunts me.
As I keep on, the streaks become broader, overpowering, and my body moves in a frenzy. I see it all so clearly, the shape and color of these emotions that terrorize me, and it feels as though if I could replicate them, then I could get them out of my damn body.
Save me! Save me! echoes in my mind as I think about the last day I saw her, when she was still wearing that smile, only that time it was a lie.
It’s hard to know when it wasn’t a lie.
My movements become erratic, and I grunt as I claw at the canvas to add that sense of trying to escape this horrifying image. I claw and claw so that it looks like someone battling this image, echoing my struggle. I’m sweating, breathing hard by the time I’m finished and look at what I’ve created.
Tears rush to my eyes as the screaming in my mind sets off again. I haven’t heard it like this since the other night when I saw Dax at the Alpha Theta Mu party. I press my hands to my temples as it intensifies, steadily becoming louder, until it’s as though I can actually hear it.
“Fuck,” I mutter. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
My chest constricts in that way that makes me feel like I might be having a heart attack. I take a drag of my joint, hoping it’ll shut it the fuck up, but it’s still going on and on.
I snatch the canvas and bash it against the floor.
Once.
Twice.
A third time.
I push to my feet and hurry into the kitchen, where I find a knife and get to work, tearing it the fuck apart. I swear the screaming is even louder, so I keep hacking away, calling out until the thing is shredded.
I think about how Dax triggered these screams again, but then when our lips crushed together, the bliss of silence. Even just recalling it is enough to soothe me. My mind races back through what it felt like when our tongues teased at one another’s. The way it felt to have my body pressed against his. And there’s finally quiet again.
I look over the mess I’ve made. Guess it was a good thing Tatum wasn’t here this morning because he would’ve been pissed that I wasted a perfectly good piece.
It’s something I don’t have much time to consider because there’s something more concerning on my mind—that it was a huge-ass mistake to kiss Dax Armstrong.
*
This morning in class, I’m unsettled.
Dax is posing on the platform, leaning back on his elbows, his abs rippling, one leg bent and the other stretched out. He angles his head away from me, and I can just see the outline of his lips. I lick my own as I think about that kiss…and the quiet it allowed me to have even for just a few hours.
It’s no secret how sexy the guy is, and it doesn’t help sitting around for an hour twice a week, obsessing over every inch of his flesh. But despite the distraction, I manage to keep focused on his body throughout the class, even as he glances my way occasionally when he’s switching positions.
I’ve made plenty of mistakes, I’m aware, yet a shitty idea’s been brewing since this morning, and I can’t shake it. I don’t know why I’m even considering it when it’s unlikely Dax will ever speak to me again after how fucking weird I’ve been around him.
But at the end of class, as I’m packing up, he approaches me.
“Hey,” he says.
I avoid looking at him, and he chuckles.
“You’ve basically been staring at me for the past hour, so I don’t think it’ll kill you to look me in the eyes.”
He’s not wrong, so I force myself to make eye contact, and…he’s smiling. What he’s smiling about, given my behavior, is a mystery. And it seems sincere, but I’ve been wrong before.
I zip up my bag and push to my feet. “How was your weekend?” I ask, and the way he flinches, you’d think I said something wildly inappropriate.
“It was…good. I moved into Alpha Theta Mu with my buddies. And I talked to my brother.”
“He was Alpha Theta Mu too, right?”
“Yeah. He’s why I transferred here.”
I study his expression, my gaze settling on his lips for longer than it should, but Dax lets me. Maybe because he’s getting used to my weird.
“What are you doing after class?” I ask, my tone more intense than intended.
“I usually grab lunch now. I have another class in about an hour.”
“Don’t get lunch. Not today. Once you get dressed, meet me at the library.”
His gaze wavers. “Okay… Is this a fourth-floor thing?” That part of the library is infamous for student hookups because of its boring tomes collection—at least, boring for anyone not studying law.