Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
I swallowed hard, waiting for her next reaction.
She straightened up against the headboard. “The envelope . . . it’s . . . here?”
My heart pounded. “Yes. I got the results earlier in the mail. They came this morning, which is why my behavior at the restaurant was so erratic.”
Her voice was shaky when she asked, “Do you . . . think it’s me?”
“I don’t know, baby. Honest to God, I just don’t know.”
“Are we going to find out?”
“I felt obligated to tell you about the possibility. But in the end, this isn’t my choice. It never was. And I never want to do anything ever again that would hurt you or violate your privacy. I will happily rip up that envelope if you want me to. Or you can take it. We can open it up together or forget it ever existed. We don’t have to find out. Birdie loves you. Amanda’s her mother. Nothing has to change.”
I hated that I’d placed this burden on her. I didn’t know what else to do or say. But I felt the weight lift off my chest now that she knew the truth. I just had absolutely no clue what she was going to do with it.
CHAPTER 28
SADIE
This felt like a dream. As I continued to sit across from him in shock, I honestly couldn’t even move, let alone know what to say.
Amanda might have been following me. If she had been given my identity, how was that even possible? I had been assured that the process was anonymous, which was the only reason I had agreed to it in the first place.
“I’m sorry . . . I . . . still haven’t wrapped my head around this,” I said.
Sebastian leaned in and took me fully into his arms. My breathing immediately relaxed. Despite the uncertainty and shock, I felt safe. I felt loved. And I knew that no matter what happened—he had my back. To know that he fully supported any decision I made about this meant everything. Because I certainly had no idea at this point what the right decision was.
“I don’t blame you for doing what you did,” I said. “I can understand how freaked out you must have been.”
He exhaled. “Thank you. I now realize I should’ve talked to you first, but at the time, I thought maybe I could rule it out before having to scare you.” He shook his head. “But it was wrong. Because . . . if . . . you know . . . it turns out you are . . . that’s not my place to know before you. Or to know at all.”
“I don’t know what the right answer is.”
“You don’t need to make a decision now. Or ever.”
I blew out another shaky breath and just kept nodding. “I’ve always felt so connected to her.”
“I know. This whole thing . . . it’s been like some sort of magic from the start. But maybe there was more to it than that.”
“Suppose Amanda did look for me. Then there’s always the chance that they might have given her the wrong info, right? Or maybe . . . my articles just resonated and gave her hope and this is all just a weird coincidence. I mean, they are public articles. Anything is possible, right?”
“Of course. That’s why I debated even telling you at first. I thought I might be crazy for even thinking it. It seemed so hard to believe.”
A tear finally formed in my eye, rolling down my cheek as the realization hit me in waves. Not just because I had no clue what to do but also because it hit me that if Birdie were my biological child, that she was our child. Sebastian’s and mine. Made from us. I could have inadvertently made a human with the man I love before I ever even knew him. The emotions that thought brought about were some of the strongest I’d ever experienced. But stronger than anything was the thought that if this were true . . . how could I ever tell Birdie? She’d already lost her mother. And this would be like losing her all over again in a sense. For what? So I could have some kind of validation? It wasn’t fair.
Shaking my head repeatedly, I said, “I have to think about this.”
“Take all the time you need. I mean it. We can pretend it’s not happening until then. I have no problem doing that. Just tell me that this won’t break us,” he pleaded.
I looked into the eyes of the beautiful man before me and gave him the assurance he needed. “The only thing I am sure of right now is that I need you more than ever. I love you, Sebastian. I love you so much.”
He reached for me and spoke into my neck. “I don’t want you going home tonight. I need you here with me. In my bed. It’s time.”