Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93425 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)
“You were worried that my attitude had changed after you told me the story about your egg donation. You weren’t off base about that. But the reasoning behind my reaction is something you couldn’t possibly know.”
She swallowed, seeming both scared and eager for what I might say next. “Okay . . .” Her hands started to tremble.
“I never told you that . . . Birdie . . . well, she was the result of an egg donation herself.”
I paused to note any changes in her reaction, but her expression remained frozen, aside from her eyes searching mine. She hadn’t seemed to make the connection based on that one sentence. So I continued.
“Amanda . . . like your mother . . . had been unable to conceive naturally because of her cancer treatment at a young age. I knew it when I married her, and I always knew that it wouldn’t matter. We’d find a way to have a child one way or another. When she told me that she’d prefer to try IVF with a donated egg, I definitely had my reservations.” I sighed. “At first, I couldn’t understand how my sperm and another woman’s egg made our baby. But she was insistent that our child be related by blood to at least one of us and that she be able to experience the pregnancy. After much debate, I agreed.”
I stopped to examine Sadie’s face. Again, no realization had hit her yet. Or at least it hadn’t seemed to compute. So I went on.
“Honestly, seeing her carry that child, it was the most beautiful thing. Once the pregnancy happened and we were experiencing that joy, I knew I’d made the right decision. She was getting to live out something she thought she’d never have an opportunity to. And it was all because of a selfless person who’d decided to give a part of herself to us. It was surreal and amazing. And it only got more amazing once we laid eyes on our beautiful daughter, who happened to come out with my face.” I chuckled. “It was clear from the very beginning that this was our child. It didn’t matter how she came to be biologically. She was Amanda’s. She was mine. She was ours. She was from God.”
Sadie’s face curved into a slight smile. “That’s beautiful.”
I cleared my throat. “So, you see, I never thought to make it a point to spell all of that out to you. I didn’t want to give you the impression that how she came to be mattered. Of course, I knew it was something that would have come up eventually. But it just didn’t happen before you told me your story.”
I intentionally stopped talking to really give it a moment to set in with her.
Taking both of her hands in mine, I whispered, “Sadie, baby, do you know where I’m going with this?”
Her face was still frozen, and then at one point her eyes slowly widened as she stared off. Then, when she looked at me, I knew. The wheels had finally started turning in her head. She saw where I was going with this. She gripped my hands tighter as her eyes flitted from side to side.
Then her words finally came.
“The articles . . . Amanda’s saving those articles . . . of mine . . . you think . . . you think . . . she thought it was . . . me?” Her chest was heaving.
“I don’t know. She never told me a single thing. If she’d gone looking for the egg donor, she certainly didn’t want me to know about it.”
Sadie exhaled, never letting go of my hands. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She just looked numb and a little scared. Which made it all the more difficult to admit what I needed to.
“When the possibility hit me, Sadie, I freaked out. I decided I needed to know the truth before I even addressed this with you. I didn’t want to cause you any unnecessary alarm. So I made a very hasty decision to take your toothbrush and hair and send them to a lab along with Birdie’s DNA.”
Sadie’s face reddened to a color I had never seen before. Her breathing became rampant. “What?”
“It was the wrong decision,” I said. “It was made out of fear. Not fear of the result. But fear of losing you, Sadie. I love you. And nothing would make me happier than to know that the loving, wonderful human who gave a part of herself to us . . . is also the woman I love. Make no mistake . . . there is nothing that scared me about the thought that my daughter could actually be a part of you and me. But the entire decision to find out? That wasn’t my decision to make. So I didn’t open the envelope. It’s still sealed. And I won’t open it without your permission. We never have to open it, in fact. It won’t change anything between us or in your relationship with Birdie. You have every right to the privacy you were promised. And I want to sincerely apologize for allowing my fear to control the decision I made.”