Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 115577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115577 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 578(@200wpm)___ 462(@250wpm)___ 385(@300wpm)
And that was what I held onto. I reminded myself how my parents depended on me, how Ginny needed me, how I’d worked so hard to get to the NFL, and now had to work even harder to stay there. I had a contract to secure, a life to set up, and I couldn’t throw it all away.
Every time I reminded myself of those truths, my heart would scream that it didn’t have to be all or nothing. It thrashed against my rib cage like a prisoner, raging over how I was hurting Emily, hurting myself, when there had to be a way to have it all.
But I just couldn’t see it.
Did you sleep in a garbage can?
My sister’s mechanical voice startled me in the soft hum of her hospital room, and I hastily tucked my phone away, finding her eyes open, the hint of a smile behind them.
She looked so much better than when I’d arrived after the initial scare. She was no longer intubated, her chest rising and falling on its own now, her skin more flushed with color. She was still recovering, and it wouldn’t be a quick or easy road, but she was back to talking.
Back to ribbing her older brother like it was her job.
“Might as well have,” I answered, running a hand through my hair as I sat back in my chair. “Took a red eye flight after the game last night.”
You didn’t need to rush back here.
“I wanted to.”
The way she was looking at me, I knew she’d flatten her lips or suck her teeth at me if she could. Instead, she stared a long moment, her eyes searching mine before she asked:
Braid my hair?
I smiled, chest aching as I stood. “I’d love to.”
A comfortable silence passed between us as I maneuvered to the side of her bed, careful of all the wires and tubes still hooked to her from machines. I untied her curls from the thick scrunchie it was currently tamed by, massaging her scalp as she hummed contently.
My fingers moved on autopilot, just like they had for years.
But my brain instantly ran to Emily.
I thought about the day I braided her hair, the day everything between us shifted. But maybe it had been before then.
Maybe it had been all along.
And now I’d lost her.
What’s wrong? Ginny asked when I was done with her hair.
I sat beside her bed again, trying to force a smile. “Just a little tired. I’m okay. How are you feeling? Do you need anything? Water? Something to eat?”
I need you to stop avoiding my question. You look like shit and you were staring at your phone like you’d locked one of your precious hats inside it. What’s going on?
I blew out a breath, shaking my head. Ginny had always been able to see right through me, through all of us. She was so perceptive. So in tune.
Is this about Emily?
I smirked. “You remember her?”
The only girl I’ve ever seen you alone with when I call? Obviously, I remember her. And I don’t believe for one second that she’s just your friend.
“She was far from just a friend,” I admitted on a long breath.
Was?
I nodded.
You idiot. What did you do?
I chuckled. “Of course, you know it was me who fucked up.”
Ginny was still weak, but she held up her hand, waving it in a way that told me she was getting impatient and that I’d better start talking.
It was painful, tearing open that fresh wound when it’d still yet to heal. But I did it for my sister, sparing no details, save for the ones I knew she definitely would not want to hear. I told her how Emily and I met, how we’d become friends, how we’d had an undeniable connection from the start. Ginny winced when I told her about Emily’s injury, about how we’d become closer after that, and how I’d thrown caution to the wind, fraternizing with her when I knew it was against my contract.
By the time I got to the part about the podcast clip going viral and our subsequent punishment, I was running on steam, unable to look my sister in the eye. I stared at my shoes when I told her about how Emily came here, about what happened when she did.
When I ran out of words, a heavy silence fell between us, just the soft hum and beeps of machines filling the quiet.
So she came to be with you and you sent her away?
I nodded.
Wow. You really are an idiot.
I tried to smile, but it fell flat, my heart sinking into the pit of my gut. “I did what I had to do. Trust me, it killed me, but… there’s no other choice.”
I’m sorry, big brother, but if you truly believe that, then I think you need to be checked for CTE. More than just a few brain cells damaged in that noggin of yours.