Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
“Hi.”
I almost laughed. “That’s not a lot of words for someone who normally stores them to use as weapons later.”
Her smile was slow, deliberate. “Maybe it was a test.”
"Did I pass?”
She gently set her flowers down on the nearby black leather chair. “I bet it’s killing you not to know.”
She wasn’t wrong. “What can I help you with?”
"Is there another way?” she asked. “Out of this? And if there was, would you take it?”
I leaned against the table and crossed my arms. “His family went into deep hiding, if they showed their faces they’d be killed on the spot—and you’re carrying his child. What do you think would happen if his family knew or if yours did? They’d want an immediate alliance and your dad would be honor bound to keep it depending on whatever terms they had with us—“
“Terms,” She stated flatly. “What do you mean terms?”
Shit. “The same as mine I’d expect. As a body guard if we touch you or go back on our word then we owe you a pound of flesh, a body, a soul, you name it. I don’t know what his contract said, but I’m assuming it took into account pregnancy.”
"Would I get sent away?”
“I highly doubt your dad would allow it.”
“So it would start a conflict?”
“Most likely.”
“So there isn’t a way out?”
"Am I so bad?
"You’re beautiful to look at and terrifying to talk to on even your best day when you cash out all your words, Ace.” Her eyelashes fluttered closed for a moment, then she lifted them and gazed at me, a half-hearted smile teasing her lips. “You’re a killer, impossible to read half the time, and you look like you’d rather be tortured than seduced.”
I flinched.
“Sorry.” She crossed her arms. “That was harsh.”
“Truth is rarely pretty.” It stung, though. It stung because I’d told her about the waffles when my guard was down with my physical pain.
She’d sat next to me.
She’d touched me.
I’d allowed it for one brief second.
To put down the shield, the pain, to wonder about the road that led to her and if it could be more than a signature on a piece of paper.
I wondered about a soul exchange.
And now I was struggling to put the shield back, to build the castle I’d allowed to get slightly destroyed by her easy smiles and weaponized words.
"I’m sorry,” I finally said. “That I’m not what you wanted.”
It was all I could say.
“It’s not your fault.”
I wasn’t sure I could actually feel worse, and I was trying like hell to find the hatred and annoyance again but when you’re both in physical and emotional pain it’s fucking harder than attempting to collect water with your hands.
"Ace?”
"Yeah?”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry I can’t have breakfast with you.”
I knew what she meant.
The knife inched into my chest just a bit further and twisted to the right, the left. “I’m fasting anyway.”
"Good.” A tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away. “That’s good.”
No. It was lonely.
It was terrible.
It was my future. “Right,” I nodded toward the door. “You should go but before you do I want you to do me a favor.”
"What?”
“Don’t look so worried.” I forced a smile that felt brittle and full of a choking loss I hadn’t even begun to realize yet. “When you walk down your aisle, my gift to you is this. Close your eyes. When you take those steps imagine him at the end of the aisle, not me. When you’re told to say your vows think of his voice, when you’re angry you can say you wish it was him, and in the end, when I kiss you, believe the lie that it is. Don’t believe in the sweet nightmare that we have—cling to the beloved dream.” I choked the last part out. “It’s okay—to cling to him instead of me.”
The final words burned when they fell from my lips.
And I felt it—in the moment.
The shield creaked back into place.
The walls were once again erected.
The pain she’d caused was nothing more than a few scars against the brick.
Feelings were for the weak.
My only job was to stand by her side.
And live the nightmare so she could live her dream.
18
RAVEN
The One where you kiss the wrong groom while waiting for the right one.
"It should have been him.” I didn’t say the words out loud, but I knew Ace heard them anyway. With him, I realized, I didn’t need all the words. As much as he made fun of me for it, he knew just as much with the unbearable heaviness of silence.
I could see the shift in Ace’s stance like whatever we’d shared over the last two days was gone, completely drained from his soul and in its place the devil I always knew.
The one I needed when I was in pain.
The one I probably needed now in order to get through this.