Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
How fucking normal.
He rescued dogs.
His parents were both surgeons.
But the worst part—he was safe.
There was a difference between being safe and keeping someone safe. Where I was a shield—he was a space.
I felt numb when she walked back to me, all smiles. “Ready?”
“Yeah.” I couldn’t look at her; instead, I listened as she explained her project for Business Finance and all the ideas she had. She talked the entire way, she sounded happy, she sounded as normal as douche face appeared on paper.
Maybe that was what I’d been missing in this entire scenario. “Can I ask you a question?”
I hadn’t meant to interrupt.
“What? Sure.” She followed me into the house and put her bag on the couch. “What’s up?”
“Was he normal? Or as normal as possible given the circumstances? Louis?” I hated saying his name.
Her face didn’t fall though; she simply tilted her head. “Yeah, I think at first I even called him boring. He was the sort of guy that never snuck out of the house, followed all the rules, and then when you least expected it, he’d do something sweet or out of the blue. But I realized it was always a way to distract me from it all.”
“Life?”
She nodded. “The pressure but mainly the loneliness…everyone has their part to play and other than getting my degrees I’ve never really found where I fit in, you know? I’m rebellious but not insane like Serena. I can be sweet when I want to like Bella, but I’m not a mafia princess.”
She was right about that. She was a queen.
“I just, I don’t know, I think in such a large family it’s easy to get overlooked, it’s easy for people to see you but not really see you. They assume your smile means you’re okay or your presence means your present when it can be the exact opposite. Imposter syndrome, even next to blood relatives, is a very real thing, and not fitting in if you’re not careful—is heavy—like shame, like you were born with a task that you can’t accomplish because it isn’t clear yet.”
That was probably the most open she’d been with me in a really long time. “And now, now do you feel like you can be yourself or be normal?”
She smiled. “Nothing about this is normal, Ace. We take it a day at a time, right?”
“Right,” I whispered.
Something flickered in her eyes. “Let me go change real quick, then maybe we can take a walk.” She pulled out her phone and set it down on the coffee table. “I have something to talk to you about.”
Was it about him?
About the normal?
About finally being happy—outside of us?
I hadn’t just lost control, I’d lost complete navigation of the ship. She ran up the stairs while I stood completely frozen in place.
Was this where you did the hard thing? Was this where you didn’t just walk away but you gave yourself and them permission to let go? I thought about Lily. She’d always have me. I’d always be her dad no matter what.
Raven deserved love.
She deserved to be seen.
I’d just take it to my grave that all I’d ever truly seen—was her.
I wasn’t sure how much time went by, but she was suddenly back downstairs, hair pulled back into a ponytail, a black sweatshirt on and a pair of white athletic shorts; she was in her normal walking attire.
Keyword, normal.
“Hey.” I leaned back on the counter. “I just, I want you to know something.”
She had reached for her phone but pulled her hand back and faced me. “Okay.”
“It’s fine.” I licked my lips and struggled to get the words out. “I know this isn’t what you wanted and things are—comfortable.” Hell, I hated words today. “But I just want you to know. I can be okay. I will be okay, what I mean is it’s fine, if you look the other way.”
The buzz from the TV playing in the background had never been so loud.
“What do you mean look the other way?” she rasped, her eyes narrowed in on me like daggers. “Like down the street?”
“No.” My voice was cold, unfeeling. I forced it. “If you have an affair. Don’t even think twice about me. We have Lily to take care of and the threat seems to be magically gone ever since King ordered a new commission and killed off most of the syndicate that infiltrated. You were in a coma. We got shit done. You woke up to a new life—one where you’re a bit safer than when you went to sleep. My job is to take care of you and Lily, but any other need you have—like I said, I’ll look away.”
I hated her in that moment for not reacting right away. I hated her for proving my theory right and I could only blame myself for getting so invested that the pain spreading down my arms was self-inflicted in the worst possible way.