Total pages in book: 135
Estimated words: 128211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128211 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 641(@200wpm)___ 513(@250wpm)___ 427(@300wpm)
I only wanted to run.
Now, we were back with the group at the club. It was the same one from our first night out, the liveliest we’d found all season, and everyone was letting loose.
Gisella was happily draped over Finn at the bar, her eyes glossy and smile wide as she talked to Bernard, who sat next to Finn. Finn seemed lost in space, his eyes half-focused on one of the televisions broadcasting sports highlights. If I didn’t know better, I’d say it looked like he was drinking water, but it must have been vodka. I would have asked him, if it were any other night.
As it was, I did my best not to look at him or wonder anything about him.
Palmer was next to me at the other end of the bar. I’d been trying to kick up a conversation with him, but he was short with every answer. He seemed pissed off, but I couldn’t figure out why. The way he glared at Gisella made me wonder if maybe she’d fallen short on her duties on deck. God knew I understood that feeling all too well after our second charter.
Leah, Cameron, and Eli were on the dance floor, the first two tangled up in one another while Eli danced by himself like it didn’t bother him one bit. He kept finding my gaze and nodding for me to join him, but I’d just shake my head or laugh him off. The last thing I felt like doing was dancing.
And yet… I decided maybe I should.
So what, I didn’t feel a connection right away? Eli was nice. He was putting in the effort. Maybe it would be a slow burn with us. Not every romance felt as explosive and all-consuming as the one I had with Finn did. In fact, I’d bet that most stable relationships felt the opposite: warm instead of hot, comfortable instead of unpredictable, safe instead of adventurous.
Maybe I just needed to give Eli a chance.
Once again, I found myself wishing to be drunk, but I somehow found courage despite being sober and made my way to the dance floor.
Eli threw his hands up in victory. “There she is!” He let out a loud wolf whistle that had Leah laughing and Cameron jumping in with a few hollers of his own.
My cheeks were on fire by the time I made it to them, and I realized just how much of a crutch alcohol was for me in that moment. Because where I was never shy dancing when I had liquor running through my veins, I found everything awkward about my current attempt. My limbs felt stiff. The beat pulsed around me, but I couldn’t quite find the rhythm.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to do it alone.
I barely put my hands in the air and moved my hips before Eli was there, pulling me into him. His grin took up his entire face, mischievous and unbothered, and then his hands were on my waist, warm and confident and touching me like the simple kiss we’d shared after dinner was the checkered flag for him to start the race. His leg slid between mine, thigh pressing just enough to jolt my senses, and he rocked us to the rhythm like we’d been dancing together for years.
He didn’t give me a chance to think. He just moved — wild and smooth, grinning, spinning me in a circle before yanking me back against him. My laughter came easy then, surprising me with how genuine it felt, how easy it felt. His arm wrapped around my middle, holding me flush to his chest as we moved together in time with the bass that thudded like a second heartbeat.
And still, I felt nothing past a friendly affection.
Eli was giving it his all — smiling, touching, moving with me like we were the only two people in the club. And I was trying. God, I was trying. I looped my arms around his neck, let him tug me closer, let my body lean into his.
But it was like I was watching someone else dancing, I was so disconnected.
What was wrong with me?
Eli was everything I should want. Gorgeous. Kind. Confident. Fun. He wanted me and he was showing me that. He didn’t have a fucking girlfriend — which was a big plus considering where my brain wanted to go.
I was still stuck in a memory I couldn’t crawl out of.
And alcohol or not, I found myself wondering if Finn was watching.
I told myself not to look.
I put all my willpower into smiling with Eli, into mirroring his movements with my own and staying in the present moment with him. I tried rationalizing with that very foolish, very loud voice inside my head.
But a few minutes was all I got before I folded like a house of cards.