Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Good. Freaking. Goodness. No.
I tear away, stumbling back. My eyes tear open, and oh. Oh, goodness. One contact has made its way back into place, while the other is still MIA. It could be in the dirt, or it could be making its way into my brain.
No, I don’t really think that’s a thing.
But I’m not one hundred percent certain.
Sometimes, you just don’t want to be that medical miracle.
“I…I need to…tell you something.” My lips are buzzing, but not nearly as hard as the rest of me. I’m going into full neon sign mode here in this barn, burning hot enough to light the whole place up.
Old cedar and hot substances probably don’t mix.
Rowleigh tries to take a step toward me. His face is entirely cautious and full of concern. I can see how much he cares, but there’s guilt there too.
I shake my head so hard that the MIA contact gives up its status and comes out of hiding. It swims into place, and though it’s uncomfortable, it’s there.
Oomph. Now that my vision is twenty-twenty again, seeing all the emotion is a kick right in the feels. I want to hug him to make it better, even as I’m about to hurt him and wreck his trust in me.
It’s bad timing, I know, but I can’t let this turn into something else.
Not until he knows the truth.
“I…you’re going to be so mad.” I suck in a wavering breath, trying to stop my voice from hitching at the end, but it doesn’t work.
My eyes get hot, and crying a second time after all the dirt and losing my contacts is not a good mix. Plus, I shouldn’t be the one crying. I’m not the jerkus who schemed this whole thing into being. But I am playing along. Well, reluctantly, but I am still a part of deceiving a man who has been shockingly open with me.
He stands with his feet apart, his arms crossed, already shutting me out with his wary expression. “You can tell me. I won’t be mad. I’ve had years of cultivating patience.”
Here goes nothing. “I…I know Mika. We’re best friends.” I’m the one who needs to catch my breath after dropping that. He just waits, hiding whatever it is he’s feeling while not being closed off either. I don’t know how that’s possible. It’s a special talent he has. “Meeting you the first time was an accident. I didn’t know who you were. When she told me her dad was getting married, and it was going to be an arranged deal, she showed me the article, and there was the photo of you. Different, but it was you all the same. I freaked out, and right away, I confessed to her what happened. I apologized and swore up and down that I didn’t know and would never have done anything with you, but she thought it was great.”
His face blanks.
Pales.
He stumbles backward.
He looks worse than he did in the gazebo, but when I take two steps forward, he falters back, putting his hands up in a please don’t come hither sign.
I stop, my voice getting husky and raw with emotion that I’m barely containing. “She wanted me to seduce you so you could see that life and love were real, but I thought it would only lead to lust and pain. She just…anyway, the plan was terrible. I didn’t agree to the seduction. In my head, this was only ever supposed to be about you finding your joy again. She doesn’t want you to get married and be miserable and alone forever. She knows you were hurt the first time, but she loves you. She wants to know you. She’d never known how to do it, and now it was just all desperation. She wanted to save you so badly that we cooked this up.”
“So this was…” He motions between us, fanning his hand back and forth over and over. A big cloud of dust stirs up.
“No! No! I was against the seduction thing. Truly. Mika did want me to try and ruin your wedding by sabotage, but we couldn’t figure out how to do that, given that you don’t give a snake’s anus scales about it. Ruining your wedding would only ensure that I wreck my career and not much more. It would have been pointless.” I bite my lip, but my eyes never waver from his face. He deserves eye contact. That’s what you give people when you apologize and when you offer them the truth.
“I’m not brave, Rowleigh,” I continue. “I’m not even brave enough to make over my condo or get a cat, even though I’ve wanted one forever. Mika is the only person on earth who sees the real me. She loves me for me. I don’t even know if I love me for me. I’ve wanted to be strong. Bolder. But I…I…I’m not. It was ridiculous to think I could show you what it means to be alive when I don’t even know what it feels like.” I rub my cheeks with the back of my hand, collecting the stubborn tears that insist on leaking out. “And now I feel as dumb as if I’d just danced in place and sang the song that literally just says banana over and over again.”