Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 75891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
“I’m not playing with you. Keep that thing away from me.” He leaned down and put his lips to my ear.
“You’ve had him before and lived.” His words opened a door in my mind that I had long held closed. A door that I had never meant to open ever again.
JULIUS
Ah damn, why did I bring that up now of all times? I know very well that that’s a memory she’d rather forget, because it was the same for me for a while as well. But now we’ve both opened Pandora’s box, and there’s no turning back. I’m not a hundred percent sure about her, but I know I did my best these past few years to put it out of my mind.
It was the first time I’ve ever known real fear after all, the first time I felt myself losing control over a woman. Back then, I saw it as a weakness, but now I realize I was just running from fate, because here we are, years later, back where we left off.
“Do you want to talk about it?” It just might kill me to give her the time, but if it’s what she needed, I was more than willing. I knew where she stood when, instead of taking me up on the offer, she reached for my lips herself. That was her way of letting me know she wasn’t ready to have that conversation.
I wasn’t sure if I should be glad or discouraged that it was still such a sore spot for her, but to be fair, I haven’t handled the situation much better all these years either. Forget it! Let’s just go with the flow; tomorrow is time enough to address the hypo in the room.
Whether it was the last time or now, her closeness always has the same effect on me. It’s easy to get lost in her, too easy in fact, and that was a big part of why I had to let her go the last time. I wasn’t in the right headspace back then, and she was too young for forever.
But now, it doesn’t matter if she’s ready or not; I won’t let her go again. I deepened the kiss, spurred on by my wayward thoughts, holding her head in place to bring her along with me. After my colossal bungle, I thought it would take a while to get her going again, but I need not have worried.
I guess it’s true that the family jinx works both ways, something I didn’t always know. Apparently, our chosen mate is just as affected as we are by the love sting, and she was proving to be the same. With her temperament, I expected some pushback after my blunder, but instead, she was right there with me, her lips following mine with the same hunger and need.
It's hard to say who overtook whom, but does it really matter? I couldn’t hold her close enough, couldn’t get enough of her taste; it was madness, the same madness that had scared me shitless four years ago. No, better not go there for now.
But how could I forget? My heart beat with the same wild rhythm as back then, my lungs fighting for air as I felt myself being consumed by something bigger than me. She’s so tiny, delicate, and with her mouth closed, it’s easy to think that she’s a tender little angel who needs my care and protection.
When I hold her like this, I get lost, and all I want is to love her with everything in me. The kind of love I’ve never shared with anyone else. The urge to let her into the part of me that I’ve kept hidden from others is even stronger now than it was that night of her twenty-first birthday. The night we both lost control and crossed the line.
Just as it was that long-ago night, my mind was emptied of all other thoughts, focusing only on the woman under me. I was totally captivated and overpowered, not having the strength to hold anything back. The part of myself that was always reserved, the control I usually exert, was no match for the feelings I had inside for her, only her.
It's scary as hell to feel this helpless, weak even, and yet as if I could carry the whole world. These feelings are as foreign now as they were then, almost as if I were giving my very essence over to her. I felt that same powerless feeling come over me as I did that night.
It's no wonder I’d run away from this before, for someone like me who thrives on having absolute control in all aspects of my life, this whole thing with her spells danger. I feel in parts powerless and yet full of a strange energy that comes from the heart. A heart that’s filled only with her.