Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 116231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 581(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 387(@300wpm)
The elevator comes and I press the lobby button. The minute the doors close, it sounds like what prison doors sound like when they are sealed shut. I walk out of her apartment building and get into my car, my body feeling numb.
I don’t even know how I make it home. When I step into my bedroom and collapse on top of my bed, I look up at the ceiling. The pain I feel is something I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. When I found Josephine in bed with Jeremy I was pissed and hurt, but it didn’t feel like my world was shattered, or rather I thought it was shattered at the time. But now, now that I’m here, I am having a hard time even breathing, let alone being able to do anything. I thought I was brokenhearted before, but that was a lie.
I don’t think my body can move, it feels as if I went in the middle of the road and played chicken with a truck and lost. I just let him run me fucking over. I turn on my side and sigh as I hear her words play over in my head, over and over again. “What I know is, I’m telling you I’m not interested in this or in you, and you have to let it go.”
I replay every fucking memory I have of the two of us, from the first fucking time I met her until the last time I kissed her. I replay the whole trip and all I see is her smiling face and her holding my hand. I see her asleep beside me. I see her fucking everywhere. If I knew it was the last time I was going to kiss her, I would have kissed her longer. I would have savored it more. If I knew the last time I was in bed with her was our last, I would have held onto her tighter. I wouldn’t have let her go. All I keep thinking is this can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
I don’t sleep a fucking wink and when the alarm rings the next day, I shut it off. Then I make the mistake of going to my texts to see if she texted me that she was wrong. But all that’s there is my last text to her.
Me:
Landing at four. Want to have dinner with me?
I get up and head to the bathroom, washing my face before walking down the stairs and heading out to the rink. We have a mandatory practice today and I can’t miss it. I feel like death, and I’m pretty sure I look even worse.
I shut the door of the SUV after I park and pull open the door, heading to the locker room. I give a couple of the guys the chin up and I see one of the rookies look at me with wide eyes, but he doesn’t say anything to me.
I toss my phone on the shelf before walking back out and heading to the kitchen. I don’t want to eat anything, but I’m not stupid enough to get on the ice without fueling my body. I’m sitting down when Kirby and Jaxon both come into the room, Jaxon with a takeout coffee cup in his hand. “You look like shit, man,” he remarks and I nod my head.
“Good,” I say, “feel like shit, so it’s fitting.”
Kirby pulls out the chair across from me and sits down, his eyes on me. “What happened?” he asks me as Jaxon sits in the chair beside him.
“Nothing,” I sigh, my chest feeling like it’s being crushed by a ten-ton weight. They stare at me like they know I’m lying. “I fell in love with her,” I share and Kirby’s face says it all, “and she broke up with me before we were even officially together.”
Kirby’s head falls down and he avoids looking at me. “Wait, Kylie?” Jaxon asks and I nod my head.
“Yup,” I confirm.
“Dude,” he says,” I didn’t know it was that serious.”
“It’s fine.” I hold up my hand. “It’s not fine,” I admit after two seconds, “it’s the opposite of fucking fine. I’m—” I exhale, breathing deeply out of my mouth. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Do you want me to talk to her?” Kirby asks me and all I can do is shake my head.
“No, she made it pretty clear to me that she’s not interested.”
“Fuck, man,” Jaxon says. “I’m sorry, Knox. I can’t even imagine.”
“You know,” I lean back in my chair, “I walked in on my wife fucking someone else who wasn’t me, and I wasn’t even this devastated.”
I hear Kirby hiss. “I don’t know when it happened or how it happened, but I fucking fell so in love with her that I didn’t even know it was happening.” I shake my head. “And it’s over. Even before it fucking started.”