Total pages in book: 52
Estimated words: 49178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 246(@200wpm)___ 197(@250wpm)___ 164(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 49178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 246(@200wpm)___ 197(@250wpm)___ 164(@300wpm)
19
SAM
The entire house was quiet. It was past breakfast time, so the family was likely out managing their morning duties. I could hear the faint ticktock of the armadillo clock in the kitchen.
It was the perfect time for me to order a car and get the hell out of here.
My bag was packed. My soul felt heavy. My heart hurt with every beat.
I should never have come here. The past was a demon you could never outrun. It sunk its wicked claws into the nape of your neck and grabbed hold, yanking you back when you least expected it.
I wasn’t ready for this. I’d never be ready for it. Coming here, back to Rainbow Ranch, back into Benny’s stratosphere, made me confront parts of myself I’d long since buried. I thought my feelings toward him were a blip on the radar, a kink in the chain. I didn’t realize they made up the twisting strands of my very DNA. It’s why I could never run from it.
But I was sure as hell going to try.
The whole thing with Dennis could be sorted out later. I’d get a lawyer involved if needed, although I doubt it would ever even get to that. Then there was that tiny strip of land that I technically owned. I hadn’t even gone to see it. Didn’t care to. Not anymore.
I couldn’t linger. The longer I stayed, the more chances there were of running into Benny. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. It was a cowardly move, and he deserved more. But then again, that was the exact reason why I had to leave. Benny Adams was a golden man in a world made of bronze figurines.
I opened my app. The car would take over thirty minutes to get to the ranch. Apparently, not many rideshare drivers worked around Johnson Springs. I looked out the window, seeing nothing but bright blue skies and verdant green grass. My room was toward the back of the house and faced away from the stables and pastures. There was the regal and lone oak tree that marked a spot Benny and I would often hang out at as kids.
It was also the small piece of land Frankie had left me. Which was… odd. Why would Frankie have done that? Why would he have done any of this? He always had a reason for his actions. He was a big jokester, always pulling pranks on people, but he was also a by-the-book kind of guy. He liked order, and he liked reason.
So where was the order and reason in all of this? All I could see was chaos and pain.
I checked the rideshare app again. The driver canceled and their replacement was even further away. Great.
I sighed and rolled my luggage across the dirt. The wheels clacked and clicked over small stones and broken branches. I froze, thinking I heard Benny and Boone’s voices coming in my direction. That’s the last thing I needed. To have to confront the very guy I was running away from.
Then again… maybe it wasn’t Benny I was running from?
I reached the ancient oak tree. On its scarred bark were two lone carved letters , a little below eyeline. The letters B and S. Didn’t stand for bullshit as one would likely assume at first glance. I traced the small, shaky letters with my finger. This had been one of our spots. Frankie had actually called it the Boys’ Tree because he said it never failed to find us two sitting in its shade, laughing and talking about nothing and everything.
Guess he wanted me to own the little slice of land that brought me so much happiness when I was younger? I turned and pressed my back against the tree. A current of sadness flowed through me, weighing me down. My chest felt heavy, lungs full of cement. I hadn’t expected to come back and feel everything I used to feel when I was a kid. I also didn’t expect to feel so fucking happy being back in Benny’s orbit. And the things we’d done… They were fantasies come true. It had felt better than any fading dream could make me feel. Kissing Benny, lying with him, it was like slipping a key into a cobweb-encrusted lock. But the door was broken, the hinges stuck. Even with the key it wouldn’t open. I couldn’t allow it.
I sank down to the ground. I pulled my legs up and rested my arms on my knees. It created a small, light-filled cave. I rested my forehead against my arms and closed my eyes. Rainbow Ranch had provided me a safe space to figure out I was a huge fucking coward. Benny didn’t deserve me. He deserved someone who was out and proud. Who could hold his hand in public and not care about the judgmental glares or bigoted comments.