Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 159420 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 797(@200wpm)___ 638(@250wpm)___ 531(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 159420 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 797(@200wpm)___ 638(@250wpm)___ 531(@300wpm)
“This ’cause you don’t trust me to get this done?” he rumbles in a very neutral tone, much like his features were when this began.
“What… No,” I say quickly, my hands fisting at my sides. “I do. I trust you. I trust you to keep me safe and get your sister back.”
He runs his eyes over my face before studying me from top to bottom. And something about the way he looks at me, as if from a distance, objectively, makes my heart go cold. Slowly, he brings his eyes back up to mine and asks, “Why?”
There’s a pit of dread slowly opening up in my stomach, but still, I ask, “Why, what?”
“Why do you want me to use you as bait?”
His question only widens the pit of fear and I answer, “You know why.”
He slowly shakes his head. “Not really, no.”
I don’t know why his questions are scaring me, but I continue, “Because I want you to get your sister back. That’s why.”
“Why?” he asks again.
“You—”
“Why do you want me to get my sister back?”
“Why do I want you to get your sister back?” I ask, afraid but also exasperated.
“Yeah, why?”
“Well, don’t you want your sister back?”
My chest is heaving now, and I’m starting to get angry. I don’t know what he wants from me. I don’t know what he wants me to say. But then he speaks and I realize why he keeps asking this question.
“I do, yeah,” he says, his eyes somehow both aloof and penetrating. “Just don’t get why you want her back so bad you want me to use you as bait. After everythin’.”
“After everything,” I repeat, my hands fisted.
He dips his face. “Yeah.”
I take a deep, deep breath then. But only because I want to fly over to him and punch him in the face. And then do it again. And again until I can make him understand why. But I’ll give it one more try before I resort to violence.
“Before this moment, I kept telling myself I needed to be patient with you,” I begin, “but you’re making it really hard for me to do that. You’re making it really hard for me to not be angry and violent, and… Listen to me, Radisson, okay? Listen. You’re not a monster. Not on the outside or on the inside. Not for your scars that you got from trying to save your parents; not because you had to learn how to speak again when you were fifteen or that you still have trouble with words. You’re not a monster for sending your sister away because you were grieving differently. And you’re definitely not a monster for killing convicted criminals who have hurt others.
“What you are is in pain. You’re in pain, Radisson. This is pain. It’s like you’re still in that burning car with your family. You’re still trying to save them and then beating yourself up over and over because you can’t. You can’t change the past. You can’t bring them back. So you stay back, you stay with them; and if you have your way, you’ll always stay there. You’ll never move on. You’ll never heal. You’ll burn yourself in that car with them. And I don’t know your parents, other than what you’ve told me about them, but I don’t think they wanted that for you. I don’t think your mom, who taught you how to treat a girl; or your father, who taught you about the land and how to be a cowboy, wanted you to burn in a car with them. They didn’t want you to think it was your fault that you weren’t able to pull them out in time. You were fifteen. You were in a car wreck that injured you too. You did your best and it hurts so bad that your best wasn’t good enough. That your best was just you and your sister surviving. But you did, and I don’t think they would want you to just do that, survive and nothing else. They’d want you to live.”
I take in another shaky breath and wipe away my tears that I didn’t even know had started to fall. “So I’m sorry to say, but you’re not a monster and I can’t have you believing that. I can’t have you punishing yourself for that, thinking you have to pay your dues because you’re a bad man. The only monster in this whole scenario is my father. He’s the one who ruined your life. He’s the one who ruined your sister’s life. Him and no one else. So I want you to use me as bait to get your sister back because you deserve it. Because my father doesn’t get to win this one. Because I don’t care that you stole me or blamed me just because I’m related to a monster like him. I don’t care. I don’t hate you for that. I never did and I’m not going to, and you can’t make me. So I’m going to help you and you’re going to take my help.”