Total pages in book: 151
Estimated words: 145746 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145746 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 729(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 486(@300wpm)
“I don’t know what’s happening,” she says, her voice breaking. “But I’ll figure it out and I’ll make it right. Just don’t leave me.”
“I’m not leaving.” I cross the room and open the door. “You are.”
“No.” She shakes her head, her eyes not wavering from mine. “Not until we have this out.”
“There is no this. Not anymore. Get your cheating ass out of my apartment and don’t come back.” I slide my hands into my pockets and swipe all expression from my face. “If any of your shit is here, I’ll make sure it gets to your dorm, but you getting out. Now.”
“Monk, let me—”
“The fuck,” I mutter, walking back to her with long, angry strides and grabbing the purse off her shoulder, digging through it until I find her keys.
“What are you doing?” she whimpers.
I grab the key to my apartment, jerk it off the ring, and drop her bag on the floor.
“I said”—I point to the door—“get out.”
“But, Monk—”
“I really don’t want to have to pick you up and dump you in the hall like last night’s trash, Vee, but I will,” I say through clenched teeth, unsure how long I can hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overflow. “For the last time, get out of my apartment and I don’t want to see your cheating face again.”
I hold my breath and do something I haven’t done in a long time.
I pray.
I pray she leaves before she figures out how close I am to making a fool of myself. That another minute with her this close, and I might lay my pride aside, cave and take anything she’s willing to give. Even tasting her from another woman’s lips, another man’s, if that’s the only way I could have her. That I would share her, even believing she’s been only mine and I’ve been only hers from the beginning of fucking time. That I would settle for parts of her, even wanting the whole because it’s a better misery than having none of her at all.
I’m on the edge of confessing everything, of forfeiting my dignity, but my stony expression and unyielding silence must finally convince her to go. She bends to retrieve her bag from the floor and walks to the door. I follow, and even in these final moments, I’m drawn to the satin-skinned stretch of her back, the enticing curve of her ass, the way her hair curls sweetly at her nape. I recall the whispered dreams, hopes, and ambitions we shared like secrets in the dark, wrapped in each other’s arms. And buried beneath the stench of the bar and of him, I still smell her. The real her.
It unfurls in my chest, tucked between the muscle of my heart and the curve of my rib—the absolute certainty that I will never feel this again. Not quite this way for anyone else. I’m young with a bright future ahead of me, but it feels like losing Verity will haunt and devastate me for the rest of my life. My mind and my heart know she cheated and she’s not for me, but my soul… it will take a long time to convince my soul it was wrong about Verity Hill.
“I really am sorry, Monk,” she says, looking over her shoulder and finding my eyes. Her face is ravaged. Eyes puffy, lips swollen from the way she bites them when she’s anxious, blood vessels broken around her nose from the pressure of her sobs.
“Don’t be sorry,” I tell her. “Just get the hell out of my life and stay out.”
And with one last look that tells me, somehow, even though this was her doing, that she’s as devastated as I am—the girl I love in a way I don’t want to love anyone ever again, is gone.
SIXTEEN
Verity
For days I’ve been floating on air. Propelled by some powerful force that kept me euphoric and in constant motion. A dervish. A spinning top, the world a blur around me.
Outside Monk’s apartment door, I’m finally still.
What I’ve lost comes into sharp focus and I wait for the pain to hit.
I know this breakup is a deep wound, bleeding all over my feet, but I can’t feel it. It’s like someone injected novocaine into my heart, and instead of the agony, there’s a blessed numbness that makes this unnatural joy possible. I’m the clown with the smile painted on her face. I couldn’t stop grinning if I wanted to. Even knowing I just lost the man I love, the best thing that has ever happened to me, there is somehow a pep in my step. That buzz beneath my skin and in my ears grows more prominent, the noise of an army of bees.
I don’t know how long I stand there, listening for an indication that Monk has changed his mind. That any minute the door will be flung open because, realizing his mistake, he’s coming after me. And he’d find me right here waiting.