Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 116597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 583(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 583(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Livia was silent in my arms, my legs curled behind hers, arms around her middle and pulling her closer.
“The way you looked in the mirror…” I continued with a groan. “I’ll never get that out of my head. Which is quite unfortunate for my professionalism because that likely means I’ll have a hard-on for the rest of my life.”
I chuckled into her hair with the joke, but when she didn’t laugh or scoff or roll her eyes and shove me away, I was suddenly on high alert.
She was still just… silent.
“Liv?” I asked.
It was like speaking her name broke her restraint, because without warning, her shoulders shook, a little choke of a sob coming unbidden from her lips. She covered them in an instant, curling in tighter on herself.
I froze.
Was she… crying?
“Liv,” I said again, carefully, and then I pressed up onto my elbow, shifting her in my arms until she had no choice but to roll up to face the ceiling. She resisted at first before she gave in, and then she covered her face as soon as I saw it, and her whole body shook with another cry.
My heart lurched into my throat, and I’d never felt a need to comfort someone in such an all-consuming way as I did in that moment.
“Fuck, Liv, what happened? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, growling in frustration before she swiped the tears away and let her hands flop into the bed. “I’m fine,” she bit out.
“Don’t do that.”
She shook her head, nostrils flaring as more tears pooled in her eyes. They fell down her temples right onto the pillow and she let out another huff.
“Ugh, God. This is so annoying.” She swiped at her face again.
“Hey,” I said, tenderly, my eyes searching her as if whatever had bruised her would be something I could see physically. I reached up to thumb away the next tear before it could fall, holding her face in my hand. “You don’t need to be ashamed of crying. Not ever, but especially not with me.”
Livia swallowed, her eyes on the ceiling.
“Is it… is it something I said?” I paused, considering. “Is it because you gave me control?”
At the word, her eyes welled again, fast and furious, and she squeezed her lids shut and shook her head, her whole face warping.
“Oh, baby.” The words were painful as I said them, like a rusty blade to the chest. I pulled her into me, wrapping her up again like I could shield her from the hurt. “Come here. I got you. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re in control.”
She cried harder at that, but instead of pushing me away like I expected her to…
She clung to me.
Her legs intertwined with mine, her head buried in my chest, nails clawing at my back like she was afraid I’d leave her.
As if I ever could.
For a long while, we stayed just like that. Livia cried in a way I didn’t know she was capable of, this impossibly strong woman showing me a side of her I felt honored to witness. I felt even more so to be the one to hold her and help her through it.
I didn’t dare say a word to rush her. I let her feel every wave of whatever was happening, my hands in her hair, holding her to my chest as I whispered, “Shhhh” and “I got you. I’m here.”
Slowly, her sobs faded into sniffles, and then to the most weighted silence I’d ever experienced. I held her through it all, planting gentle kisses to her forehead and breaking every rule between us by not asking permission first.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Stop. Don’t apologize for feeling, Liv.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m sorry for not telling you what I’m about to sooner.”
That got my attention.
I paused where I was stroking her hair for a moment, unsure what to do. But Livia curled into me tighter, like she wanted to burrow into me.
“Please, I can’t look at you when I say any of this. Just… just hold me and keep touching me and let me get it out.”
My pulse quickened, anxiety prickling my skin. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised, and I held her tighter, waiting.
Her voice was stone cold and steady when she spoke, and what she said ripped my soul in two.
“When I was seventeen, I was raped.”
The words hit me like a puck to the temple — hard, dizzying, life-ending. It knocked the breath clean out of me, like I’d never draw air into my lungs again.
Rage rose fast and hot, burning me from the inside out. My arms tightened around her without me telling them to. My throat struggled against my next swallow. My jaw tightened so hard I swore I cracked a tooth. And one thought surpassed every other.