Total pages in book: 123
Estimated words: 116597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 583(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116597 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 583(@200wpm)___ 466(@250wpm)___ 389(@300wpm)
I pressed my lips to her hair, trying to keep from shaking with rage. “They don’t deserve to call themselves your family.”
Livia curled into me, like I was her shelter, and I did my best to be just that in that moment.
“After that, I was on my own. I graduated, moved straight to college. Took out loans because they wouldn’t help. Worked for everything. My parents shielded my sister from it, but…” Her voice broke, just barely. “I think she knows. And she still won’t talk to me about it.”
She pressed her face to my chest, shoulders shaking once, and I thought that was it — but then the sob came, sudden and raw, and she clung to me like she’d drown if she let go.
“That’s the part that hurts the most,” she managed, voice muffled. “We were so close, me and Lacey. She had to know that something happened. She saw me die right in front of her eyes, but she never questioned it. I don’t know if my mom told her not to ask, or if she’s just always been afraid to, but she has to know. She has to know. And that kills me.”
I kissed her hair, my throat burning. “I’ve got you. I’m here.”
I thought about the wedding, how it all suddenly made sense. Of course, she didn’t want to fucking go be around these hideous people. But then again, there was a part of her, this young, innocent girl who still existed inside of her that wanted to be with her sister, that wanted to believe there was still a familial connection somewhere in her life.
My heart was fucking shattering in my chest.
Livia sniffed, drawing a shaky breath, and when she spoke again, the mechanical cadence returned, like she was forcing it.
“It took me a long time to reclaim my sexuality. At first, I was numb. Sex was just… something to be used for. It wasn’t about me at all. Then one night my junior year of undergrad, I was with a guy I’d been seeing for a few months. He asked me to bind him. And when I did, I slipped into this sort of dominant persona without even thinking.”
Her body shifted slightly, like she was more comfortable now that we were talking about when she reclaimed her power.
“He loved it,” she said. “And so did I.”
I nodded, understanding before she even said it.
“That’s when I knew,” she finished. “This was what I needed. Control. Always. In every aspect. Because it’s what keeps me safe.”
I tightened my arms around her, my hand in her hair, my mouth at her temple. “Then I’ll never take that from you. Not ever.”
And I meant it with every fucking cell in my body.
But Livia shook her head. “No, no, don’t do that. I gave you control tonight. I wanted you to take it. And I feel safe with you.”
Fuck, the way those words crushed my lungs and filled them with life all at once.
“I just… it’s been a long time since I’ve reversed the roles that way. I didn’t mean for it to make me emotional, but it just… did.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Please, don’t apologize. I don’t want you to be sorry. I liked it. I mean, clearly,” she added with her first laugh. That sound was like a wind chime in my soul, so promising and lovely. “I came so hard I’m pretty sure I saw the maker of the universe.”
I chuckled, running my knuckles along her arm.
And then she lifted her eyes to mine for the first time, and my chest locked.
“I trust you,” she whispered. “But I have to admit, I think that’s what scares me the most.”
I nodded, over and over, before pulling her into me and holding her tight. I knew she didn’t need another word in that moment. She just needed to be held, to know I wasn’t going anywhere after what she’d told me, that she was safe with me.
“Thank you, Liv,” I breathed. “For telling me. For letting me in.”
She stayed pressed against me until her breathing slowed, until the weight of her body shifted just enough that I knew she’d finally slipped under.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I didn’t care if my arm fell asleep and both of us needed to get cleaned up and eat. She was finally at peace, and I didn’t dare ruin it.
Her words circled me like vultures though — the mechanical way she’d told me, the moments she’d broken, the way her nails had dug into my skin like she was trying to fuse herself to me. And underneath all of it, the thing I couldn’t stop replaying — she’d given me control tonight.
Not because she was trying to test me. Not because she was bored.
Because she wanted to.
For someone like her — someone who clawed for control in every aspect of her life, who needed it to feel safe — giving that up, even for a second, had to cost her more than I could even comprehend. And she’d given it to me.