Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
I groan, turning my head to the side, but I can’t go far with him on top of me. How do I tell him that I got upset because my father called me son? That he pretends to care, but it’s nothing except going through the motions. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“So? It’s not always about understanding. It’s about being there for someone. Excuse me for trying. You do all this stuff for me, and I just thought… I’m an idiot. I don’t know what I thought.”
Guilt descends over me like ants on a piece of food dropped on the sidewalk. He tries to get up again, but I don’t let go of him, don’t want to let go of him. I like the feel of Ollie on top of me. “He just…doesn’t care about me. Never did. He completely disengaged, stopped even pretending, the moment my mom died. I was fucking devastated, and he was nowhere to be found. Is that what you want to hear? That I was a lost kid who thought my world had ended when my mom died, and he didn’t even care enough about me to be there? I would have been completely alone if it wasn’t for Rory, Tiernan, and his family.”
It’s like I can’t stop the words now. As much as I want to bite them back, hold them in where I can forget they exist, they’re now begging to burst free. “All these years later, and he still doesn’t fucking care. He talks to Tiernan more than me. I’m nothing but another man in his organization to him, even when he tries to pretend I’m not.”
For the first time, it’s Ollie who takes hold of my chin, turning my head so I’m facing him. “I’m sorry he isn’t there for you, but that says more about him than you.”
“I don’t fucking care. I hate him.”
“I think…I think this would all be a lot easier for you if you did. It’s okay to feel things, Cillian. Maybe it’s different in your world, maybe you’re not supposed to, but I’m telling you it’s okay. That’s what makes you you. And I…like that person. More than I should. Even if I am mad at you for sending Rory to follow me today.”
I crack a grin, something that just a second ago I couldn’t imagine doing. “That was me being sweet and worrying about you.”
“I know, and I told you you’re sweet. But you have to respect my wishes too.”
“I won’t apologize for keeping you safe.” I want to do more for him than that. I just…want him. Want him more than I’ve wanted anyone in my life. Want everyone to know he’s mine, but that scares the shit out of me.
“I know that too…and I like it. I don’t want to talk about that right now, though. You deserve better than what your dad has given you. I’m sorry he’s not who you deserve. Maybe that will change.”
No, I don’t think it will. Still, I find myself saying, “Maybe,” just because it’s clear he believes it, and I want to live in the same world Ollie lives in. One where I’m sweet and maybe we could really be something. “You’re mine. Do you know that?” Even when this ends, he’ll still be mine.
Ollie swallows, a visible knot sliding down his throat. I wait for him to argue, for him to tell me I’m wrong, that he’s better than me and could never accept me as I am.
But he doesn’t.
Instead, he nods, and it makes me feel like the luckiest son of a bitch alive.
He doesn’t look at me as he kisses his way down my chest, my stomach. He kisses and licks away the dry cum there but doesn’t stop. I know exactly what he’s going to do, and the moment from earlier is made even better, like I’m on top of the fucking world and no one can touch me.
Ollie rests between my legs again, the way he’d done last night, kissing my soft cock, nuzzling my pubes…and then he takes me into his mouth, sucking me, holding me there like he needs the connection as bad as I do.
I don’t want to ever let him go…even if he’ll eventually shatter my heart and leave me alone.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Ollie
I’ve been staying with Cillian for a week now, and it’s both exactly as I expected and not. They’re like their own little family, albeit a dysfunctional one. They constantly argue and give each other shit. Tiernan really is as bossy as he seems, and everyone defers to him. The hierarchy within the mini mob took me a couple of days to figure out, but from what I’ve witnessed, Cillian is “second in command,” followed by Rory, then Dean—which makes sense as Dean is the newest.
When Tiernan wants something done, it’s usually Cillian he goes to first. While all four of them disappear into Tiernan’s locked office together frequently, oftentimes it’s just Cillian and Tiernan. In those moments, Dean or Rory will often come and find me. Dean, especially, has been trying more when it comes to our friendship. He brought me lunch the other day, and we ate together in the backyard.