Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
There’s also a secret freaking door, and I’m scared to even consider what it leads to.
We’ve come to an understanding. Cillian doesn’t tell me anything he does. When he leaves, he doesn’t tell me where he’s going, and I don’t ask. When he comes back, I pretend he was off doing random things like maybe making food deliveries for extra money, studying at the library on campus, or going out to lunch with his father. Cillian pretends he doesn’t want a relationship with him, but that’s not true. I hear it in his voice when he speaks about him, feel it in the way his body tenses when his father calls Tiernan while Cillian’s phone remains silent.
As much as I don’t want to like Tiernan, even I see the sorrow he feels when he gets those calls, though he tries to play it off as if he doesn’t. The whole group is like an advertisement for toxic masculinity. They don’t talk about the important stuff—at least not in front of me—but if you take the time to look, you’ll see they show their love for each other in the things they do, the way they look out for each other, and honestly, even the fact that I’m sleeping in this house.
I’m a liability. I get that. The only reason I’m here is because Cillian wants me here. Dean wants me here as well, but as obvious as Tiernan’s love is for him, I don’t think Dean’s the reason Tiernan allows me to stay. If I wasn’t here, Cillian wouldn’t be either, and yes, Tiernan needs him, but I think…God, I think he also just likes those he loves to be under the same roof. Wants to know they’re all safe. He even argues with Aislin sometimes about moving in, but she won’t do it. They’re all co-dependent, and there’s something unexpectedly beautiful in that.
I smile at the thought, with Cillian’s soft dick in my mouth, while I kneel between his legs. He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, running his fingers through my hair.
I finished blowing him some thirty minutes ago, but like always, I didn’t pull off him afterward. I nuzzle in closer, inhale his scent, taste his arousal on his skin, the remnants of the load I worked out of his balls still on my tongue.
I love doing this so much, and I don’t get why. Typically, I’m an answers guy. I want to understand all the moving parts, want to get why something is the way it is, even if it’s internal and emotional. I can’t make sense of anything with Cillian. Not why he wants me, or why I want him. Not why I can feel so safe with him, knowing the things he does. How I can be here with him despite all the things I know? Yet I don’t want to be anywhere else.
And I love this, sucking him, holding him in my mouth, feeling closer to him than I ever have to another human in my life, and for once, I don’t need a reason. It simply is.
“Two smiles in a row. What are you thinking about, Kitten?”
“Nothing,” I lie, pulling off him.
“So…tonight…we could do some homework together and then get naked.” He pumps his brows, and I roll my eyes.
“First of all, the only time you ever do homework is when I make you.” It really is a thing. I don’t know how he or Rory have managed to pass their classes last year, how they’re still enrolled. I’ve taken responsibility for keeping them both on track.
“Yes, but I will tonight.”
“Only because you don’t want me to go to work, and that’s not gonna happen—and which was number two on my list, by the way. I’m going.” I have to. I’m already upset that Cillian paid my hospital bill. I don’t want to live off him too.
“Why? You don’t need it. I have money for anything you need.”
“I need a job! And I’m not your kept boy.”
“No, you’re my dirty boy.” He snickers, trying to make it so I’m not angry, but it doesn’t work.
I still have to be careful with my ribs, but I do my best to shove to my feet angrily. “It’s important to me to get back to my life. If I don’t do it now, I never will. I can’t live my life in fear, Cillian.”
He sighs, pulls me toward him until I straddle his lap, then presses his forehead to my chest. “I hate it when you say my name. It makes me give you anything you want.”
I grin. “Cillian, Cillian, Cillian.” It’s absolutely the most ridiculous thing in the world. How can hearing me say his name make him feel that way? Still, it shoots me to the sky, makes me float on the clouds and feel like more than I ever have before.