Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
“It would have been, yes. I’m not suggesting that Joy needs to be homeschooled. That’s something that doesn’t need to be decided for several years.”
With a grunt, I resumed pacing, dropping my hands back to my sides. “Didn’t you say that a nanny raised you?”
“Yes, I was. She was nice.”
“Yeah, and she saved your dad from needing to have anything to do with you. If we were to get a nanny for Joy, does that mean we’d be spending that much less time with her? Is that your way of getting past me having a kid? When we first started fucking, you were very clear that you didn’t want kids. And with a nanny, you can almost pretend that I don’t have one.”
“That’s not fair,” Declan snarled. His pale face flushed red. “Yes, in the beginning, we were both single and childless. I thought I could never be happy having a child in my life, but after spending the past two months with Joy, I’ve found that I was wrong. I adore her. She’s very precious to me, and I treasure every moment that I get to spend with her. No, I don’t want a nanny to take that time away from me. If we were to hire one, I envision this person just watching over her for about five to six hours through the middle of the day, during the time we’re both working. Early morning, evenings, and weekends would be our time together.”
So, he really saw the nanny as replacing the daycare, and that was it. However, if she was live-in, we’d have an almost built-in babysitter for our dates.
“Oh…” I mumbled. “No, still. She needs time with other kids and people. She needs to learn to socialize and get more exposure to the world. Maybe it’s not as big a deal at seven months, but it will be soon. Did you know that she already has other kids at daycare that she wants to be around? There’s another girl who is in her class, and she always wiggles to be close to her when they’re playing. I’m not a fucking child psychologist, but being with other kids feels important to me. Besides, Molly is the one who chose this daycare. She vetted it. This is what she wanted for her daughter.”
Declan’s frown deepened, and I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn’t going to like what he was about to say. “Parker, I’m sorry. Molly is gone. Joy is your daughter. I understand you want to honor all of her wishes, but you’ve got to make your own choices. You can’t warp your life into what she would have wanted. Wouldn’t Molly have wanted you to raise your daughter how you saw fit? Not by the wishes of some ghost?”
“Molly isn’t a ghost. She’s Joy’s mother! Molly had all these plans for Joy. Even before she found out that she was pregnant, she spent months doing research. She had notebooks filled with all the important information she’d gathered from reading a mountain of books. She knew what daycare and private school Joy was to attend. There were notes on pediatricians and food. Classes. Fuck! There was even a notebook on the extracurricular classes that Joy could go to. Everything from soccer to dance to gymnastics to freaking mixed media art and violin lessons.” A rush of air left me, and I sagged, almost swaying on my feet. “Some people dream of Hawaiian vacations and big promotions. Or maybe an enormous house. Molly dreamed of having a baby. And just as she was getting her first taste of that dream, she died and it’s…it’s not fucking fair. I was her best friend. The least I can do is try to carry out that dream for her and make sure that Joy has the life her mother wanted for her.”
“What about your life?”
My head snapped up at Declan’s whispered question. The brief anger had drained from his face and he looked worried.
“What about your life?” he repeated. “I don’t think the point was that Joy had to attend a certain school or play soccer, but that she had the love and support she needed to live a happy life. Don’t you think that’s what Molly wanted for her daughter? And if she was your best friend, I don’t think she would have wanted you to sacrifice your life and happiness for your daughter?”
Declan was making sense, and yet something he’d said earlier kept repeating in my brain, merging with what my mother had said more than a week ago.
I wandered to a black leather sofa in a far corner of the room and sank into the cushions. “My life,” I mumbled. “What have I done with my life recently?” This wasn’t the first time I’d heard this refrain. I just hadn’t expected it from Declan.