Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve been living with you for six weeks. Did you know that I’ve not looked for a new apartment once? Not even glanced at a town house or condo. Six. Weeks.”
“You’ve been busy. Overwhelmed.”
“For six fucking weeks?” The words came out harsher than I meant them to, but I was frustrated and scared. “This was never meant to be a long-term arrangement. When I stayed that first night, I told myself that this was going to be a few days—a week at most. But I’ve been here six weeks, Declan.”
There was a long silence that expanded to consume the room. Declan broke the silence at last; his voice was surprisingly soft. “Haven’t you been happy here?”
Oh, fuck. It was like he’d slipped a knife between two of my ribs and into my heart. The sudden pain stole my breath away, and every instinct was to rush across the room to pull him into the tightest hug. But I remained seated with my head lowered. If I looked, if I touched him, I’d cave and nothing would change.
“I have.” My voice was sandpaper rough, and I swallowed twice to clear my throat. “I’ve felt so happy and safe here. Nothing to worry about. But it’s like I’ve let you wrap me up in this ball of cotton. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. It’s like I’m floating along the river, not making any choices for myself.”
I finally dared to peek up at Declan to find his face was blank, but I could see the hurt welling up in his eyes. “Think about it: if you were dating someone for less than a month, would you be living with them? Honestly.”
“No. But it’s different with you.”
“Am I different or convenient? We enjoy each other’s company, the sex is great, and me living here makes things easy.”
“It’s not wrong just because it’s easy.”
I sighed. “True. Okay, think about it this way. If this were Joy and her apartment burned up, would you be okay if she went from temporarily living with a friend to dating and living with this person in under two months?”
Declan’s thin lips pressed into a hard line, which I took for a definite no. But the answer I got surprised me. “Your mother said something about you living here.”
My shoulders slumped. “Yes, she did. Not that she has any problem with you. She likes you. However, she also knows her very independent son. I don’t jump into relationships. And I don’t jump into living with someone. What if I’m doing all of this because I’m scared of fucking up Joy’s life and more things going wrong? I can’t live my life being scared and relying on you to make it all better.”
“Actually, you can,” Declan argued. I glared at him, but the asshole didn’t take his words back. He slipped his hands into the pockets of his slacks and moved to stand directly in front of me. “I hear what you’re saying. I don’t like it, but I understand it. What do you want to do? Do you plan to leave?”
“Y-yes,” I stammered, forcing myself to actually say the words that had become lodged in my throat. “This has all been rattling around in my head for the past several days, and I think…I know that I need to stand on my own for a while. To at least try to put my life together again. Like I’d originally planned.”
Declan stared at me in silence for a long time. His face was an unreadable mask. Over the past year, I’d gotten good at being able to read him, but this time, he was completely closed off. When Declan spoke, it was to carve out the remains of my heart. “If I had my way, you and Joy would always stay here. We’d continue living like we have been. I want you and Joy to feel like you belong here. Not that you settled.”
He walked out of his office and disappeared down the hall, carrying the chunks of my heart he’d claimed for himself.
I didn’t want to leave him, but I also didn’t want to look back at my life and wonder what the fuck I was doing. There was no way in hell I was letting someone as special and amazing as Declan become a regret. He deserved better. And that meant he might deserve far better than me.
23
DECLAN FOSTER
One week later…
“Well, this can’t be good if you’re here.”
Rome’s words couldn’t be more accurate. It was rare that I went to his downtown penthouse, and he was usually my very last choice for advice. But I was desperate and strangely enough, Rome felt like my best option.
“I need your help,” I announced. “I fucked up.”
Rome’s quizzical expression turned into a wry smile. “And you came to see me. I just love how your first thought was to talk to me.” He stepped away from the door and waved me inside.