Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 86364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 432(@200wpm)___ 345(@250wpm)___ 288(@300wpm)
The tears eventually dried up, but the intense pain in my chest remained. I straightened from where I’d been leaning on Byron, mopped up my face, and blew my nose.
“I’m sorry,” Byron murmured.
“No, it’s okay. Guess I needed that,” I mumbled.
“I can’t imagine you’ve had anytime to process losing her. Moments after finding out, you were handed a baby and told, ‘This is your life now.’ ”
A bitter scoff left me. “Pretty much. And I’d never really given much thought to having kids. That was always Molly’s thing. She didn’t want marriage or a boyfriend. She knew she wanted a baby the second she was financially stable.” A broken laugh escaped, and I clenched my fist to hold in more tears. “She begged me for my sperm. I joked with her that she’d have to at least take me out on a date first. And she did! She fucking did. I couldn’t believe it. She took me out to The Precinct. Had a great steak dinner. Followed it with a long walk through Smale Park and ice cream. We talked baby names.” My voice dipped to a whisper and my shoulders slumped. “Only hetero date I’d ever been on. The next day, I went and donated my sperm for her…our baby.”
“Sounds like an amazing woman.”
“Mn. Stubborn. But yeah, she was amazing. Funny as shit. No one could make me laugh like her. Over stupid shit, too.” I slumped against the back of the sofa and stared at the wadded-up tissues stuffed into my fist. “After the funeral, when I would think about her, I’d get so damn angry.”
“That’s normal. She was taken way too young.”
I shook my head. “No, I’d get angry at her. Like this was all her fault. She died, and now I’m trying to live her life when I had these plans for my life. Afterward, I’d feel guilty for being a total asshole because it’s not like she wanted to die. She wanted to live this life, and I should feel blessed for the chance to raise Joy. I do feel blessed.”
“I think you have a right to feel angry, whether it’s at her or fate. Doesn’t matter. You had dreams and plans that were forced to the side.” Byron shifted uncomfortably on the sofa and gazed at his hands resting in his lap. As he spoke, his fingers curled into tight fists as if he could lock his pain in his hands to keep it from spilling out beyond his control. “After my brother’s accident, I spent a lot of time angry at him because it destroyed my family. I mean, our family wasn’t great to being with, but we were holding it together. I was figuring out what I wanted to do with my life, and then Bam! Those plans were tossed aside because my older brother needed all this care, and there was never enough money. My teen years were spent either working or going to school. There wasn’t time for fun. After my dad died, things got worse. It took me a long time to stop being angry at Ronnie, even though I knew that none of this was his fault.”
“Fuck…I’m so sorry.”
Byron waved off my comment and flashed me a weak smile. “Things are better now. Ronnie is in a facility that can cater to his needs more, and he’s blossoming there. So happy. I’ve got a boyfriend who also takes good care of me and a job I love. No, things didn’t go how I wanted them to, but I made things work and I’ve got a damn good life. Keep in mind that you can’t expect too much too fast. Two months isn’t a lot of time. You didn’t get to deal with losing your friend because you had to suddenly figure out how to be a dad to a baby. And too soon afterward, you had to figure out how to live after losing everything. Just one of those things would have been too much for most people, but you had both things pummel you. Give yourself a break.”
A soft grunt escaped me. He had a point. “Except I wasn’t figuring things out. Declan rode in like my own personal knight in shining armor. He fixed everything with a wave of his checkbook.”
My new friend’s lips twisted as if he were trying very hard not to smirk. “Trust me, I’ve felt the effects of a rich boyfriend’s checkbook. It makes you feel very guilty for enjoying it, but you have to remind yourself that they are adults and are allowed to spend their money however they want.”
“True.”
Byron clapped his hands together, the sharp sound in the quiet apartment making me start. “Okay, imagine that Declan didn’t race in to save you. What would you have done? Where would you and Joy be?”