Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 132464 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132464 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
“Are you calling my future wife a liar?” I bellow.
“No,” Garrett says quickly, recoiling.
I take a deep, shaky breath. It’s taking all my willpower not to beat this little prick to within an inch of his life. “Now apologize to my future wife. Last fucking chance.”
Garrett looks like he’s gonna cry. “Kat, if I said that to you—which I honestly don’t even remember—”
I lunge at Garrett and he immediately throws up his hands defensively, cowering. “Wait! Wait! If I said that, which I don’t remember—but it’s definitely possible—then all I meant was that you weren’t ‘marriage material’ for me personally. That’s all I meant, Kat.”
Kat squints. Her nostrils flare. She’s turning into the dragon-lady before my eyes.
“That sure didn’t sound like an apology, Garrett,” Kat says evenly. “I didn’t even hear the word ‘sorry’ pass your lips.” Kat grits her teeth. “Did you not hear my future husband? Apologize to me—and make me believe it—so this sexy man can ask me to marry him and I can say ‘hell yes.’”
Garrett exhales a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Kat. You were great and I was an asshole and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you.”
“And not only that, you shouldn’t have used me to cheat on your virgin-girlfriend in the first place, asshole,” Kat says.
Garrett clenches his jaw. “Yeah, I’m genuinely sorry about that.”
Kat’s face magically transforms into pure sweetness. “I forgive you, Garrett. But only because I don’t give the slightest fuck about you.” Kat flashes me a truly angelic smile. “Go ahead, my darling beloved. You were saying?”
I smile broadly. “You’re pleased with his apology?”
“Quite pleased.”
“All right, then. Let’s proceed.” I clear my throat. “‘My dearest Katherine, if your feelings are the same as you described to me that horrible night in the hospital, then tell me now—one word from you will silence me forever.’”
Kat’s face lights up with instant recognition of the scene I’m portraying. She puts her hand on her heart, her face aglow. “Mr. Darcy,” she whispers, her eyes watering. “Oh, Josh.”
I kneel down slowly, my eyes fixed on hers, and open the ring box.
Kat gasps at the sight of the spectacular rock. “Josh! Oh my God! Josh!”
I hold the ring up and beam a huge smile at her. “Katherine Ulla Morgan, the love of my life, the mother of my future baby girl, the Party Girl with a Hyphen and Heart of Gold: ‘You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.’”
“Oh my God,” Kat breathes.
I take a deep breath. My heart is racing. I’m shaking like a leaf as adrenaline suddenly floods me. “Kat, my love, will you please make me the luckiest man in the world and say yes to marrying me?”
“Yes!” Kat shrieks, tears springing into her eyes.
I stand and slip the ring on Kat’s finger—and she shrieks at the sight of the massive rock on her hand. She throws herself into my arms, crying and cooing and purring and basically losing her shit completely.
“Can I go now?” Garrett says dryly.
I break free from Kat and wipe my eyes. “Almost, Garrett. We’re really close. There’s just one more thing.”
“For fuck’s sake,” Garrett says, rolling his eyes. “My wife’s gonna be home any minute.” He looks at his watch. “Whatever it is, say it already and get the fuck off my property and the fuck out of my computer.”
I take Kat’s hand and squeeze it. “Kat wanted you and you rejected her,” I say. “Big mistake. Big.” I motion to Kat like I’m giving her the floor but, much to my surprise, she looks at me with wide, blank eyes, not catching my meaning. “Big mistake. Big,” I repeat. I motion to Kat again. But she’s still clueless. I throw up my hands, totally annoyed. “Aw, come on, babe,” I say. “You’re totally fucking this up, babe.”
“I am? What am I supposed to do?”
“You really don’t know?”
She shakes her head.
“Babe. Duh. I’m doing the thing when Julia goes back to the ritzy clothing store in Beverly Hills after the store clerk wouldn’t help her the day before?”
“Oh my God!” Kat slaps her palm on her forehead. “I can’t believe I didn’t get that. My brain’s not even functioning right now.” She holds up her hand, displaying her massive rock. “Who could blame me—holy shitballs, honey—this thing is causing me brain damage.” She giggles. “Okay, cue me again, honey. I’ll nail it this time.”
“You two are fucking crazy,” Garrett says.
“Ssh,” I say to Garrett. “Listen up, fucker.” I clear my throat, clearly cuing up the script. “Garrett, she wanted you and you rejected her,” I say. I motion to Kat, yet again.
A huge smile spreads across Kat’s face. “Big mistake,” she says enthusiastically. “Big. Huge. Now I gotta go do some shopping.”
“Are you people insane?” Garrett asks. “You show up at my house in fucking formal wear, blast Whitney Houston at me, and hack into my computer—and then you fucking barf on me and tell me to—oh shit.” Garrett’s eyes suddenly bug out of his head. “My wife. Oh, fuck. You gotta get the fuck out of here. Oh, God, no.”