Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 95019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Ryan: I’m feeling good to go on my end. You?
My thoughts scramble, my anxiety shifting gears.
Me: Good to go? Actually do this…like soon?
Ryan: Why not? I’ve been watching a lot of videos and reading subreddits. And I told you, I’ve had anal sex with a girl before. I get the gist.
I’ve hit up my share of subreddits about anal. And despite the tension in me, there’s eagerness too. What we’ve done so far has been exciting and intense. I can’t help thinking this will be too.
I chew at my bottom lip.
Me: So when would we do this?
Ryan: Tonight? You have plans?
Fuck, how is he so damn casual about everything? Especially this.
Me: I’m tempted to make some up.
Ryan: Obviously we don’t have to if you don’t want to.
Me: No, no. I didn’t say that.
I couldn’t have messaged back faster, and I wish I’d thought about that before replying because I sound desperate.
Ryan: Because you wanna fuck me?
Me: Shut it. I’m trying to figure if my core will be up for it.
Ryan: Who says you’ll be the one bottoming?
My face warms.
I can’t tell if he’s serious, but it’s something we haven’t really gotten into since our agreement—something that, as we researched, it became clear we’d need to discuss, and I guess I should bring it up now rather than dealing with the awkwardness tonight.
Me: So…since you brought it up, I figure whoever is bottoming will need to take care of things to make sure everything’s good.
Ryan: You mean douche?
I’m gonna give myself an aneurysm from this eye roll.
Me: Yeah…that’s what I meant, Mr. Subtle.
Ryan: You gonna get nice and clean for me?
Me: Do I need to?
I see that he’s typing, but then he stops, and this happens a few times before I push:
Me: I can see you typing. You’re making me anxious.
Ryan: Oh, sorry. I was trying to work out who was bottoming. I think I’d want to try that too.
Reminds me of all the things we haven’t discussed. Are we jumping into this too quickly?
Me: Maybe the fair thing is for us to switch?
Ryan: So we need to decide who will bottom first…
Ryan: I mean, I can do it, if you want me to.
Me: Honestly, I’ve been so anxious about it, I’d rather get it over with.
Ryan: How romantic for me…
I can’t believe he’s even joking about anything we’re doing being romantic.
Me: I thought a guy like you would be allergic to the word romantic.
Ryan: Well, now I know what that itch is, so I guess I don’t need another STI test. ;)
Ryan: You know that’s a joke, right?
What does he think of me that he believes I’d take that seriously?
Me: I figured as much.
Ryan: Never know with you. *winky face*
“Who are you messaging?” Lance asks.
I drop my phone, and it slams against the tabletop, earning not only Lance’s and Ash’s attention, but other students’ around us.
Ash winces. “Um…”
“You seemed awfully invested in that conversation,” Lance observes. “Was it Angie?” He grins like he knows me so well. If only he knew, Angie hasn’t been on my mind nearly as much since Ryan and I have been experimenting.
Oh, just talking to Ryan about bottoming for him tonight.
I don’t say that, but I can imagine their expressions if I did.
“It’s only Ryan,” I reveal. I’m not lying to my friends, but they also don’t need to know everything that’s been going on with me lately. Especially not what Ryan and I are talking about doing tonight.
“You’ve been texting a lot with him,” Ash says.
“How would you even know? You’ve had your face buried in your phone since I got here.” No doubt sexting with his boyfriend.
“I’m pretty observant. And I’ve noticed you guys have been getting awfully close recently.”
“What makes you say that?” I didn’t mean for it to come out so defensively, but it earns looks from both my guys.
“Last Friday night, you were hanging together, and you seemed cool.”
“Oh…yeah.”
“Things seem better since probation,” Lance adds.
Better? That’s an understatement. “He hasn’t done anything so bad.” Nope. Everything he’s done has actually been pretty great.
“That’s good,” Lance says. “Guess we just needed to get up his ass.”
Or maybe he just needed to get up in mine…
“You guys want to get together for some games tonight?” Lance asks.
“I was gonna head to bed early.” I don’t know why I’m saying it so weirdly—it’s not a strange thing—but it’s like I’m worried my buddy who knows me best will read all over my face, Because I’m planning on letting Ryan fuck me tonight.
But Lance shrugs. “Cool.”
I pick my phone back up and see a message from Ryan: I’ll be back from work around 8…
*
I prep before Ryan returns to the house, and after he gets home, he hits up the bathroom for a shower to wipe the sweat and shop smell off.
This gives me plenty of time to entertain my anxiety-ridden thoughts. I’m doing some last-minute browsing of the videos we swapped throughout the week, putting one on repeat as it shows a cock entering the guy’s ass. That’s what will be happening to me. Fuck. This is starting to feel very real.