Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 95019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 95019 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 475(@200wpm)___ 380(@250wpm)___ 317(@300wpm)
I remember it all too well. The despair. The depression. It was hard, not only because of what happened, but because of how difficult it was to see the light in his eyes fade to the point where I thought I might never see the real him again…or at least the version of him I’d known up until that point.
Although, I don’t get why he’s bringing it up now.
“I knew if I let you,” he says, “you would have been there like that for the rest of my life.”
“If you said you wanted me to do it again, I would. You know that, right?” I don’t ever want him to question that. Ever feel like he needed to do this on his own.
He grins, a warm glint in his eyes. “I’ve got a good big bro, but one day you were getting dinner ready for me because Mom and Dad were on vacation, and it really locked in for me. That I would never get to really live. Maybe I’d have fewer struggles, but I’d also never have success or accomplishments…or anything to enjoy again. That wasn’t the life I wanted. I wanted to be my own person. I still had dreams. You had your own dreams, and I know I was hard on you because you wouldn’t leave me alone right away, but it was the right thing to do…to push you away.”
Even hearing him talk about how he pushed me away breaks my heart because all I wanted was to be there for him, to take care of any issue he might have.
“Clearly, you were right,” I confess. “Now you’re killing it and making it all look so easy.”
“It’s not easy, that’s for sure. Some days I do fucking hate it because I can’t not compare myself to my friends, but then some days, I can appreciate aspects of it all.” He grips my shoulder tighter. “But all that aside, you know what made it easier to do all this? Having you as my bro.”
I’m not following, especially since the whole point of his story was to remind me of when he pushed me away. Surely, my confusion’s written all over my face since he adds, “It was scary, Mart. And I didn’t know how things were going to work out, but I knew I was gonna be okay because, even if something happened, even if I couldn’t figure it all out on my own, I had someone who would catch me when I fell. No matter what happened, you’d be right there.”
I’m shocked to hear that because he sure as hell never talked like this when we were younger.
“Knowing you had my back made me fearless.”
Relief washes through me. Assurance that he really gets how much I love him. That I would have done anything in the world for him.
“I’m glad you know that, but sometimes I wish you needed me more.”
He angles his head, issuing a glare so much like my own. Must be genetic.
“You’re missing the point, Mart. You can’t fix some things, and sometimes the most you can do is be there for someone when they’re having a hard time. Because knowing I wasn’t alone at the hardest time in my life was what was important.” And it hits me like a brick before he says, “I know it sucks that you can’t magically fix Ryan’s problems, but being there for him is enough. It’s always been enough.”
A warm sensation stirs in my chest where all that tension had been bundled up, partly because I’m so touched by what he shared, and partly because I know that’s something I can do for Ryan right now. What I must do for him.
“Now give your little brother a hug, and then let’s go inside and I’ll give you hell like this conversation never happened.”
I chuckle as his sense of humor cuts right through the seriousness of the moment. I give him a big hug, holding him close, appreciating the warmth of his hold, remembering times when we used to hug like this.
“You’re a really great guy, Aiden.”
“I know I am,” he says in a conceited way that gets me laughing.
“You’d make a good Alpha Theta Mu.”
“Actually, I’m too cool for them. I was planning to pledge Sigma Alpha.”
The fuck?
I pull away, giving him a nasty look, and he laughs.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have made a joke while you’re all vulnerable like this. You know I’m Alpha Theta Mu, just like my big bro.”
“Damn right you are.”
“Gotta get to the frat, show all those guys that there’s at least one cool guy in this family.”
“You little prick.”
He grins, and as much as I may have helped him by being there for him when he was younger, it’s nice having this moment where he’s doing that for me.
“You really like him, don’t you?” he says.