Total pages in book: 159
Estimated words: 149301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 149301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 747(@200wpm)___ 597(@250wpm)___ 498(@300wpm)
“I’m writing this all up, keeping a record.” The man’s face was bright red as he furiously wrote. “Everything you said, and this entire exchange will be duly noted.”
“‘Will be duuuuuuuuuuuuly noted!’” Kage mocked in a cartoonish voice. “You Elmer Fudd lookin’ motherfucker. You used to get your ass rocked in high school, didn’t you?”
“Either you’re insane or unable to control your emotions. Either way, you made this harder than it had to be. The profane language and childish insults you’ve used for this entire conversation is also completely unnecessary.”
“So is your existence. Write it up, all of it. I don’t give a damn. Just do me one favor: make sure you make a note in the report that you’re a corrupt and unethical government employee, that just so happens to also be a doppelgänger for a rectal prolapse. Cyrus Wilde paid you to harass an innocent man, and now you’ve fucked around and found out.” Kage turned away, resisting the urge to lay hands on the piece of shit. “Return here, Mr. Pewter, and you’ll have a blind date with a hoe, and I ain’t talkin’ about the girls on Bissonnet Track back in the day. I’ll chop you up into bits with this here garden tool, but seeing as little as you are, only one chop would be needed to cut you down to size. Now, you run along and have the day that you deserve.”
“Mr. Wilde! Mr. Wilde!”
Kage entered his house, slammed the door and locked it.
He marched up the stairs, tearing off his shirt in the process. When he reached his bedroom, he tossed it on the bed then snatched his phone. His fingers burned as he pounded the digits he knew by heart.
“Hello, Kage!” came Grandpa’s phony, joyful voice. It sounded like the old man was out and about. Noise and chatter could be heard in the background. “How are you, dear grandson?”
“I’m just fine and dandy. Hey, let me holler at you for a quick second.”
“Certainly.”
“Send another one of your flyin’ monkeys out here, and he’s gonna end up like your two employees that got wrapped in cellophane and marked Grade A for beef. Two down, and a third in my pocket. That motherfucker that worked for you, who was followin’ me around in the hardware store the other day like I wouldn’t notice his ass, fell on heart times. He was so stupid that I overheard him on the phone proving what I suspected. I put his dumb ass out of his misery. I’m just getting warmed up, so I suggest you not give me an excuse to turn into an inferno.”
“Ahh, yes. I knew that was your handiwork, you diabolical, demented bastard.” Grandpa chuckled. “You’re clever, you know that? How’d you get out of the parking lot without being on camera? I was gonna get the police involved and have you charged with first degree murder, until I realized that there wasn’t much evidence, and it would just clog up the courts. I could always plant evidence, but I’d rather go a different direction with you. Still, that option remains on the table.”
“If you want to know my technique, I’d be happy to oblige. But first you have to go to sleep and let me slit your throat like you had done to my Uncle Reeves. What’s fair is fair. Eye for a damn eye, as you always like to say. This is the final warning, Abe Simpson. You gotdamn piece of trash. You’re sending folks to the slaughterhouse. I don’t throw tea parties for uninvited guests, but I am known to keep the local funeral directors’ pockets piping hot, and in plenty of business.”
“I’ve about had it with you. That land of yours is as good as gone, you soft brained, daddy long-legged, Grim Reaper,” Grandpa said in a low, menacing tone. “I know your little hideout from the rest of the world means so much to you. A place you can disappear to and forget you are a gotdamn lunatic. You did all of that work making the place a showstopper, and now, everyone wants it. A piece of the pie. The big ponderosa. It’s prime pickin’s. All I have to do is pay the right person to say that it was sold to you illegally, or some clause was overlooked, and your ass is out of there. It’s already being arranged. If you want to keep your land and newly built house—it’s a real beauty by the way—you’ll honor the contract, and we can put this behind us.”
“You know what you can do with that contract. It too, involves a behind.”
“Kage, if you won’t play ball and be a good little wolf, I will force you to cower and whimper to the point that you will beg for mercy. Now don’t twist my arm. Are you so tall that the oxygen doesn’t flow completely to your brain, Chewbacca? You don’t want none of this. You don’t want to go toe to toe with me.”