Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 132657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Leo Meyer had him set up protocols for dealing with intrusive thoughts. It involved a lot of talking to himself. And meditation. Which he was weirdly good at. And yoga, which he was not good at.
Yet.
You try. You might fail sometimes, but you get up and you keep moving. You might have come from poverty, but money doesn’t make a person who they are. Choices do, and you’re going to make good ones. He went through the mental affirmations until he got to the one that hurt. It made him ache, but Leo told him something he’d immediately recognized as truth. He’d told him healing couldn’t occur until the pain was acknowledged and accepted. So Jensen stood there in the middle of the lush lobby fighting back tears as he forced himself to accept the heartbreak. I loved my brother. I did what I could. I will miss him every single fucking day, but I did not kill him. I was busy ensuring he had a future. I made the right choices when it came to Tommy right up until I decided to devote my life to revenge, and that is over now and my brother would be proud.
Take that, intrusive voice.
“Take this.” Chase Dawson was suddenly in front of him offering him a water bottle. “You gotta stay hydrated. I know we’re old dudes, but Taggart is still nasty when it comes to checking a guy.”
He took a long breath and hoped he wasn’t tearing up because he didn’t want to break down in front of Harlow’s dad. He took the bottle. “Thanks. I should have brought my own, but I was in a hurry. I had a session with Leo.”
“And now you can kick his ass at four on four,” Chase said with a nod. “You’re going to be our ringer, Jensen. You and the other one. And before you tell me you don’t know how to play basketball, it doesn’t matter. Your knees don’t creak. Trust me, you got this. Everyone else is old. Body check Taggart a couple of times and he’ll slow down. And, kid, it’s okay to get emotional. If you need to break down on the court, no one will think twice. Just try to do it after we’re up by ten or so. Then go to town.”
Embarrassment flooded him. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be that obvious.”
Chase stared at him for a moment. “Yeah, it’s hard at first. When Leo cracks you open and convinces you it’s okay to be vulnerable and shit and that emotion is like the whole meaning of human existence, so it doesn’t make us better men to avoid it. That’s a hard lesson, but it gets easier.”
Maybe he didn’t need embarrassment either. “Why are you helping me? I’m so grateful, but I don’t understand. Niall and Harlow are together. He’ll take care of her. He’ll love her. He’s the best man I know.”
Chase frowned at him. “And you’re the bad guy?”
“See, that is a loaded question because my intentions were good, and I even had this last-minute revelation that I was being a self-sacrificing moron for absolutely no reason. So all this new info in my brain tells me I’m actually not the bad guy,” he replied. “But I think Harlow sees me that way, so I would expect you do, too.”
He’d wondered that first night if it hadn’t all been a slow play to murder him. He’d still gotten in the car and let Chase drive to The Club and give him his schedule. Work and therapy and working out and back to The Club.
He was supposed to start classes next week to get his certification as a personal trainer, but he kind of wanted to study some business, too. Niall could use someone who could help him run the business part of the gym.
“You are not the bad guy,” Chase said with a sigh as though this took a part of his soul to say. “You’re a dumbass, but then we all are. Look, it might have been pointed out to me that you didn’t have a father figure. That you had to be the father figure. Well, lucky for you, I had a great dad. Oh, he was my older brother, but he was solid. Still is. So consider this my official taking you under my wing. I’m a sarcastic asshole but if I care about you, I’ll go to the ends of the earth. Look, this love thing is hard when you didn’t get a lot of it as a kid. It’s also hard if you got a lot of love and never had to worry about anyone leaving. You and Harlow are on opposite ends of hard, but I suspect my daughter is going to come around and be the brave, glorious woman she is eventually. Ah, there’s my proof right now. Don’t fuck this up.”