Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
My forehead furrows, an unpleasant flutter in my stomach disrupting the post-coital rush of happy hormones. “A second chance? I, um—”
I break off, not wanting to hurt him, but in the end, I have no choice but to say something. I can’t let him assume something that is completely not a thing he should be assuming.
At least, not yet.
I shift my weight, sitting up a bit, putting some distance between us before I add in the gentlest tone possible, “I’m so sorry, Blue, if I gave you the impression that this was…something more serious than it was. I care about you, and I’m so glad you’re here,” I say, hurrying to add as his smile fades. “And that was incredible. You’re the best lover I’ve ever had, by leaps and bounds and bushels and pecks, but I…” I trail off, guilt squirming through my guts as hurt flashes in his eyes. “But I’m not ready to make any big decisions right now. I need time to think, reflect, and figure out how I feel about the latest plot twist. You know?”
He swallows, his throat working for a beat before he asks in a careful voice, “I thought you said the things I wrote were what you wanted to hear. What you needed to hear.”
“They were,” I say. “They are, but…” I sigh, realizing how unfair this probably feels to him.
And it is unfair, to both of us, really, but it also…is what it is.
“But I’m not the girl who wanted to hear them anymore,” I add softly. “I’m the woman who made it to the other side of being desperate for the father of her child to want a place in her life. And I like who I am now. I like how strong and steady I feel. Strong and steady is what I want to give my daughter. It’s what she deserves. Anything that might put that strength or steadiness at risk is something I have to consider very carefully. I hope that makes sense.”
He nods. “So, this was just sex?”
I arch a pointed brow. “I mean, not just sex. It was really hot sex. The best sex ever. Artisanal sex, some might say.”
Thankfully, he exhales a huff of laughter, letting the joke land. “Thanks. I’ve always wanted to be artisanal at sex. I think…”
He trails off, nodding as he studies the painting on the wall, the one of the Great Mother, sleeping underground, waiting for the lost world above to call her back to the surface. I bought it before the pregnancy, before I became a woman who feels more connection to the Mother than the Maiden.
It called to me then, but now…
Now it is a constant reminder of what I want to build for my little girl. Of the strength it’s going to take to bring true Mother power back to our struggling world. It’s big, important work. Maybe the most important work. And to do it, I have to be ready to alchemize some serious energy.
Maybe I can do that with a man in my bed, in my life.
Maybe I can’t.
But deep in my heart, a voice whispers to take it slow, to wait and see how things go. I’ll know when the time is right to pursue something more serious with Blue. If the time is ever right.
And in the meantime, maybe we can do this friends with benefits thing that feels so nice, so safe. And so insanely hot that I’m already thinking about how much I’d like to feel him inside me from behind…
I’m pondering the best way to ask Blue how he feels about ravaging me in the shower, when a shriek pierces the air.
The sound is loud enough to make us both flinch, but I’m the one closest to the edge of the mattress. I’m about to tumble onto the floor when Blue scoops me back onto the bed with one big hand.
Before I can thank him, Clover cries, “Don’t do it, you monster. No! You can’t eat them. You can’t!”
“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” Blue says, leaping off the mattress, his shirt already over his head. He tugs his jeans on without bothering with underwear, and is at the door by the time another pitiful moan echoes down the hallway.
I rush to follow him, aware of the ache in my booted foot for the first time since Archer pulled me into his arms. I tug my dress on, cursing as I realize I left my crutches by the door. But my boot does a decent job of offering support, and I can’t stay here and wait for Blue.
I have to know what’s going on. I have to know poor Clover is okay.
I limp carefully down the hall, reaching Clover’s room just as Blue lifts her water to her lips.
“There you go, it’s okay,” he murmurs. “Get a drink. It was just a dream.”