Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 99399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Papa shook his head. “I say ‘Not Mine’ is going to sweep. I’m calling it for Lyra Vale.”
I smiled, hoping it didn’t look as bittersweet as it felt. Papa loved the album “Not Mine” was on, at least in part because of the song he didn’t know was mine.
The first time he’d played it, last summer out by the pool, was a treasured memory. Rosie had been visiting and had made our ears bleed all afternoon with show tunes, until Dad had finally said, “Enough, baby girl. I love that you love Phantom and Les Mis. I do. But I really need a break right now.”
Rosie had groaned. “That was from Six, Dad. Jesus.”
Dad had pushed up from the chaise and leaned over Papa to get his phone. “Babe, pick out something decent, please. And change the password on the Bluetooth speakers, for fuck’s sake. Your daughter will drive me to drink.”
When the first few chords had come over the speakers, my entire body had gone strangely hot and cold. It wasn’t the first time one of my family members had actively listened to a Fletcher Coe song in my presence, but it was the first time it had been that one.
The one about Trace.
The one about Trace.
The one about Trace.
One of Papa’s former bodyguards. Dad’s best friend. A man I was supposed to consider an uncle.
In a way, all my songs were about Trace, but this one was the one I’d written first. The one I’d rewritten most. The song that held over a decade of longing and continued to swim lazily through my bloodstream like one of those decorative koi fish who’d outlive us all.
A year and a half ago, I’d finally shared it on social media in another desperate attempt at drawing Trace’s attention to me like some kind of soulmate tractor beam. Instead, it had drawn Lyra Vale.
And in my hopeful naiveté and willingness to believe in anything that might make Trace Bishop look at me as something other than Derek and Jude Marian’s baby boy, I’d made myself a simple promise.
If anything comes of this song… if it goes triple platinum, or wins a Grammy, or is ever performed at the Super Bowl… I’ll tell Trace how I feel. I’ll tell him the song’s about him.
It felt like a hundred years ago now. Like a whole other Wolfe made that promise.
The presenter’s voice over the surround-sound system punctured my thoughts. “And the Grammy for Record of the Year goes to… Lyra Vale for ‘Not Mine’!”
This time, I didn’t hide my shock. “Holy fuck,” I breathed.
“I’m telling you,” Papa said with a smile. “It’s that song. ‘Not Mine’ is magical. Not that Lyra didn’t kill it, of course. But…”
As his voice faded out, a clip of the song swelled again through the speakers.
Lyra’s voice crooning the now-familiar heartbreak. “No more glances, no more dreams. He still shines brightly… But he’ll never be mine.”
I stared at the screen as Lyra finished hugging her boyfriend and her mom and made her way to the stage again.
Her words were emotional and filled with sincere gratitude. She thanked her team, her family and loved ones, the producer and other artists who’d collaborated on the album.
“And special thanks to Fletcher Coe for his work on ‘Not Mine’ and ‘Picky Palaces.’ You keep writing pretty songs, baby, and I’ll keep singing them!”
It was a rush. The recognition, the crowd’s validation. Reaching a career high unlike any I’d ever imagined for myself. Winning a Grammy without a single person knowing I was Jude Marian’s son.
It was impossible to believe. Diabolical. Fantastical.
And the first person I wanted to tell was Trace.
But of course, I couldn’t.
Because he wasn’t mine.
And he would never be mine.
2
TRACE
When I pulled back onto the SERA campus, it was already dark. After two days in the snowy backcountry and today’s six-hour hike through the snow and cold, I was past ready for a hot bath and sweet, milky tea. Despite my high-tech gear, my toes and fingers were cold, and my face was feeling chapped from the wind.
It had been a gorgeous weekend for a solo trek over Devil’s Backbone. My body had finally settled after the shit week I’d had, and I knew as soon as I sank into the deep tub in my bathroom, I’d be fighting sleep.
Which was exactly what I’d been going for after the stress of a quasi-breakup and the challenge of SERA’s most recent SaR cohort. Both had left me irrationally angry and out of sorts.
The Slingshot Emergency Rescue Academy had been the love child of my obsession with search and rescue and my sudden need to move out of the Bay Area six years ago. It had been the right decision, the necessary decision, but after weeks like this one, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if I’d stayed.