Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 99399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99399 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
He eyed me over his mug as he took the first tentative sip. When he set the mug down, he tilted his head. “I think you’re in love with Derek Marian.”
I barked out a laugh, the sound loud and unexpected in my quiet kitchen. “I’m definitely not.”
Patrick pressed his lips together in frustration. “Fine. Jude, then. And who could blame you? He’s hot. And sweet. And famous.”
I glanced up at the ceiling for a beat. “He’s all those things. He’s also a good friend. They’re both good friends. And I don’t want either of them.”
The truth was much more disgusting.
Because there was, in fact, a Marian I wanted. But he was jailbait. Or… he might as well have been when I’d first looked at him that way.
Wolfe Marian had been twenty-four when I’d first seen him as a man. As someone I wanted.
I closed my eyes and tried to get over the revulsion of it. Of wanting someone so incredibly inappropriate and young.
He’s thirty fucking years old now, the devil on my shoulder reminded me.
The devil on my shoulder was a horny bastard, always trying to make the argument for why it would be okay to pursue a man nearly seventeen years younger than me.
I’d gotten very good at ignoring him. Present company excepted, of course.
“You get weird every time you talk about them,” Patrick said petulantly. “I thought they were practically family to you.”
“Practically,” I agreed. “The Marians have been in my life a long time. Derek was the one who gave me a chance when my parents kicked me out. He got me a job with the security firm who sent me to SaR training. They invested in SERA so I could start a decade sooner than I planned. I owe Derek everything. Without him…” I couldn’t even imagine where my life would have ended up. In the gutter, most likely.
“Anyway,” I continued. “I do love the guy, but I’m not in love with him.” I rubbed my chin before adding gently, “And I’m not in love with you either. I’m sorry, Patrick.”
Another tear trailed out of one of his eyes, and my heart squeezed. He was such a nice guy. A softie and a sweetheart. He reminded me a little bit of Wolfe with his tender heart and his energetic youth. And maybe that’s why I’d been attracted to him in the first place, even though he wasn’t at all like Wolfe physically.
“Give us more time,” Patrick pleaded. “So I said the L-word too soon. I take it back. Let’s just keep seeing each other like we were.”
I repeated what I’d told him earlier in the week. “Even if I wanted to continue trying, I don’t have time to give you what you need right now. My next student cohort arrives tomorrow, and it’s an intensive winter search and rescue session. I’m going to be in the backcountry for several weeks after the classroom work.”
“I can wait.”
I met his eyes. “I don’t want this. And that’s all I should have to say for you to respect my decision.”
He squeezed his eyes closed in a painful expression. “Fuck, Trace. Fuck. I’m sorry.”
I stood up and walked over to where he was before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m sorry, too.”
He stayed long enough to finish his hot chocolate, making awkward, stilted conversation that made me want to throw both stoneware mugs across the room. When I finally walked him out to the porch and into the frigid night, I was grateful for the cold.
It meant this awful interaction was almost over.
“Be safe on the road,” I murmured, rubbing my hands over my arms to keep the cold away.
Patrick turned and cupped my face before planting a long, devastating kiss on my lips. His mouth was warm, but not enough to take the chill off my heart. I wondered if anyone ever would.
“Take care of yourself, beautiful,” he murmured.
As I watched him drive away, a movement from the direction of the other SERA buildings caught my eye. A faint white vapor cloud in the trees as if someone had just exhaled.
“Hello?” I called.
A figure moved away from me, deeper into the tree line.
Who would it be at this hour, on this part of campus? There were only a handful of people around, and any of them would have reassured me with a simple response.
I quickly stepped back inside and shoved my feet into my boots before grabbing my parka and a headlamp from the hooks by the door.
After walking swiftly in the direction they’d gone, I moved through the trees and out into the larger parking area in front of the instructor cabins and main buildings.
The only reason I was able to identify the vehicle driving away was because the driver had to tap the brakes to make the turn on the shaded icy patch of the driveway there.