Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
“The whole family is messed up, which is why I don’t talk to my parents anymore.”
“Was that your choice?”
“Ultimately, yes. I kept trying to maintain some sort of relationship with them, but the last straw was when I invited them to my wedding. They refused to come, because they said they couldn’t condone my sinful lifestyle.” He made air quotes with his fingers at those last two words.
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“You really are better off without them.”
“I totally agree.”
“It’s surprising to me that you chose to come out at sixteen, with a family like that,” I said.
“It wasn’t really a choice. My mom was snooping in my room and found my well-hidden journal. Everything in it was perfectly innocent, except that I’d mentioned having a crush on this boy at school. She took it straight to my father, and then the two of them brought it to our minister. It turned into this total shit show, but instead of trying to deny it, I went the other route. I came out publicly. I refused to act like I was ashamed of who I was.”
“That’s really brave.”
“I didn’t feel brave. I felt like I was backed into a corner.” He picked up a little terrycloth giraffe and changed the subject by asking, “Do you think the baby would like this?”
When I said, “I think she’d love it,” he added it to our shopping basket.
As I watched him wander over to a display of children’s books, I thought about what he’d just told me about his family. I knew trust didn’t come easily to him, and I’d assumed that was because of the way his last relationship ended. But it went even deeper than that. His family hadn’t taught him about unconditional love, and they hadn’t made him feel safe and secure. Just the opposite. Some of the most important people in his life had shown him he couldn’t rely on anyone but himself.
Somehow though, he’d let me slip through his defenses. I knew he cared about me, and I really believed he trusted me, too. The more I learned about Miller, the more I realized how huge that was.
Maybe he and I would have built our friendship into something more if I’d stayed in San Francisco, even though he kept saying he was done with relationships. It seemed like a very real possibility, since there’d always been that spark between us.
Wasn’t there? Or was it one-sided, nothing more than wishful thinking on my part?
I needed to know. Otherwise I’d spend the rest of my life wondering.
I looked around for Miller. The store was almost empty, except for us and two salespeople, who were chatting up at the register.
After a moment, I discovered he was checking out an elaborate Christmas display at the very back of the store. He put down the shopping basket, placed the cat and her bag on a chair, and rubbed the back of his neck as he watched a model train circle a tiny village.
I noticed something else, too. He was standing under a faux pine archway decorated with white lights, ornaments… and plastic sprigs of mistletoe.
I decided to take that as a sign—or at the very least, an opportunity. My heartbeat sped up as I hurried over to Miller and touched his hand. When he turned to me, I felt nervous all of a sudden. I pointed upward and flashed a huge smile, trying to sound playful as I said, “Oh look. Mistletoe.”
He grinned and leaned in. My breath caught as his lips met mine. The kiss was soft. Tender.
And then it caught fire.
We grabbed onto each other clumsily, almost desperately. I sank into him, parting my lips as he all but devoured me. I’d never been kissed like that, not once in my entire life. My head spun, and my entire body responded. I wanted to let it sweep me up, carry me along like an ocean current—
And then I suddenly remembered where we were.
I made myself step back, but only by a few inches. Miller looked as startled as I felt. I took a deep breath, steadying myself by resting my hand against his chest. His heart was racing, just like mine was.
I wasn’t sure what to say or do.
Then Miller looked past me and muttered, “Shit, the cat’s making a break for it.”
He ran after Kate, who’d jumped out of her carrier and was striding through the store like she owned the place. He caught her and put her back in the messenger bag, which he hung around his neck. “We should get going,” he said. “She’s not going to tolerate much more of this.”
The cat looked up at him and meowed, as if to confirm what he’d said. I nodded and tried to reply, but my mind was scrambled.
I had my answer. I’d just found out that Miller wanted me as much as I wanted him.