Total pages in book: 72
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68524 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 343(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Collie’s hair brushed my cheek as he leaned in for another kiss. My heart was racing, and my entire body responded as he slipped his tongue between my lips.
I was absolutely aching for him by this point. He rocked his hips, rubbing his cock against mine through our clothes. I desperately wanted to strip him naked and caress and lick and kiss every inch of him. I wanted Collie more than I’d ever wanted anyone in my entire life, but we couldn’t do this. Not now.
It took every shred of self-control I could muster, but I managed to say, “We have to stop.”
He mumbled, “We really don’t,” before licking my neck.
I took a ragged breath and reminded him, “Your doctor hasn’t told you it’s okay to have sex yet.”
“Technically, no,” he murmured, as he nuzzled me, “but I’m sure she would have cleared me if I’d made it to my last appointment.”
My head was spinning, but I had to hold firm for his sake. “I doubt it. After open-heart surgery you’re supposed to abstain from sex for six to eight weeks.”
“Why do you know that?”
“Because I looked it up.”
“See?” He sat up and exclaimed, “You want to do this as much as I do!”
“Of course, but we can’t. Not yet.”
Collie climbed off of me, and I sat up as he said, “I know my sternum is still healing, and it’s a little achy, so you probably shouldn’t pound me into the mattress. But what about a blow job?”
“The restriction applies to sex in general, not just fucking.”
He frowned at that. “You’re being way too cautious.”
“That’s because I care about you.” He started to pout. I gently brushed his hair back as I told him, “The first time we have sex, I want it to be perfect for you, because that’s what you deserve. And I want us both to be able to relax and enjoy ourselves, without the constant worry of doing something that’s going to affect your recovery.” I caressed his cheek and said, “Please let me take care of you, Collie.”
The line between his brows softened, and he leaned against me. “Okay, fine, we’ll wait. I can handle the blue balls if you can.”
Collie wove his fingers with mine, and I lifted his hand to my lips and kissed his knuckle. After a pause, he said, “While we’re on the subject of sex, I should mention that I got tested four months ago. It was negative across the board, and I haven’t had sex since then. Actually, it’s been like, ten or eleven months. If you’ve been tested too, maybe we could skip the condoms.”
“For sure. I got tested twice in the last year, because I didn’t put it past Bruce to cheat on me. And he’s the last person I slept with, so it’s been even longer for me than it has for you.”
“This is none of my business,” he said, “but I have to ask anyway, because I’m nosy. When you and Bruce were together, who topped who?”
“He always bottomed.”
“Hmm. Interesting. I couldn’t quite picture you two doing the nasty. And actually, I don’t want to. He’s just so… ew.” I grinned at that, and he asked me, “Was that what you wanted, to top all the time?”
“Yeah, it was. The few times I tried bottoming in my life, it really didn’t do it for me.”
“Well, that’s a bummer, since I’m strictly a top.”
“Really?”
A snort of laughter burst from him. “Hell no. I’m a total bottom. Come on.”
“Well, you never know.”
We climbed under the covers, and I wrapped my arms around him as he tucked himself under my chin. He fell silent for a while, so I thought he’d nodded off. But then he asked, “What if it’s awful when we finally have sex?”
“Do you think it will be?”
“No, but it happens. Sometimes two people can click in every other way, but then there’s this disconnect when it comes to sex. What if that happened with us? Would you want to go back to just being friends?”
“I already know we’re going to be amazing together. You’re worrying about hypotheticals.”
“Yeah, I do that,” he said quietly. “I can take any situation and go straight to the worst case scenario. I started out in life as an optimist, but it was pretty hard to hold on to that after losing my dad, and my mom, and the house I grew up in, and… you know what? I’m going to stop talking now, because this sounds like a pity party.”
He fell asleep a few minutes later, and I held him in my arms and thought about what he’d said. I could understand his perspective. My life hadn’t exactly gone as planned, and that had left me more than a little pessimistic—but not when it came to Collie and me.
I had to believe everything was going to work out between us, that the sex was going to be fantastic, and he’d come home with me, and we’d get our happily ever after. We were both overdue for a best case scenario.